Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Terrific Tuesday


Adoption Blogger Interview Project 2013

Last year I had such a great time and experience with the Interview exchange I couldn't wait until this November and Adoption Month came around.  I made a life long friend with my partner Susan last year from Susan & Mitch hope to Adopt.  There were so many people who signed up this year it was broken down into 3 groups, you can find a listing of them all here.  You can also read all the interviews from the 3rd group which I am a part of here.

This year I was matched with Kelly from Surprised By Hope.  Kelly and her husband are the parents to two daughters S who is 4 and A who is just a few months old; both added to their family through domestic adoption.  It was a joy reading Kelly's blog and catch up on the past 5 years of the process to adopt S her growing up and the journey to adopt A.  She blogs about her faith in the Lord, everyday life, raising two daughters in a transracial family and many other things.  There were so many funny joyful moments but there were moments I had tears in my eyes because as a female waiting to adopt I knew how she felt, as a woman not being able to have children I knew how she felt.  The one that got me the worse was a moment when S met her baby sister A and as a mother I knew she she felt with some of the questions S asked.  I really hope you stop over and check her blog out.  I look forward to following along with her now.  You can also read my interview at her page as well at Surprised By Hope.  

Have you been able to take any time off work with the placement of A?  If so how long and have you gone back to work yet?
  I was able to take about 2.5-3 weeks off work. Definitely not the full 12 weeks I had with our oldest daughter. But for any new people stopping by my blog for the first time we had an adoption placement from foster care at the beginning of the year that did not work out (for privacy reasons I took down those posts and can not share details publicly) and I used up a lot of my FMLA. So I didn't have much time left. But I tried to make the most of my time home with her. Then my Mom came down from Ohio to care for her for my first week back to work, then my husband's mom who lives nearby kept her for 2 weeks too. So that has been a huge blessing. 
When we were filling out our profile information during our homestudy I have to admit it was very hard to decide what to do when the question of race came up.  We live in a 99% white community.  We were worried about our child fitting in if they were of another race.  We felt life is hard enough on it's own and then to add in a factor that could be controlled was hard, we did end up saying yes and decided we would move if we had to. God had led us this far he would help us through that too.  How hard was that decision for you?
 I grew up in a multiracial extended family and I grew up in the North in a diverse city. I was also the child who always played with all the dolls that didn't look like me. I knew from a very young age I wanted to adopt and I was pretty sure they wouldn't look like me. After we married we moved into a diverse part of town intentionally. I felt very uncomfortable in some ways being in an all white community. So we intentionally bought our house a couple years ago in a diverse neighborhood with diverse schools, and have chosen diverse doctors/dentist offices and a very diverse church. But I can completely understand families who are not in the same place we are. I believe every child needs a home, no matter the race, and prospective adoptive parents need to really think long and hard about all of the numerous lists you have to go through on the paperwork. I think it would be a very different life for our girls if they were the only children who looked like them growing up. 
I know you said you had a comment made to you when S was a baby do you still run into that?
I haven't run into it lately. I think part of that was that we were so young when we adopt S. I think people thought they could say anything they felt like and she was too little to understand them. As she's gotten older the comments have stopped for the most part. The comments we get now are more about whether we will adopt again or if we will try to conceive, but of course they aren't always the terms that we believe are appropriate around our girls. 
I love the fact you have an open adoption with S's birth mother, it seems as if it has come so easy for you.  I know it is new with A's birth mother but do you see the same type of relationship with her down the road?
We love our open adoption with S's birth mother/first mom. For the most part it has come easy. The first year was the hardest. I had a hard time with guilt--my greatest joy is her greatest pain. And I was so worried before every visit. But once we got there and we saw each other everything went smoothly. And the planned 2 hour visit turned into an all day event. So I do hope that we have the same relationship with A's first mom. One of the reasons she chose us is because she loved our open adoption with A's first mom. I think it will take a little more work because of distance, but we have stayed in touch. Again, I think emotions for everyone run so high the first year, and everyone is trying to settle into their "role" in A's life. I just try to fulfill our promises to the best of our ability and pray that she continues to find peace in her decision. 
I gathered from your blog that A was born in the same town that S's birth family is in, do you know if the birth mother's stayed in touch to support each other?
So yes, the girl's first families are in the same town. We just had a visit with S's first mom a couple weeks ago and I asked if they had kept in touch. But they didn't exchange numbers when they met. So no, so far they haven't. I'm sure if we go back to visit we'd do something together at least once again. I know they both love seeing the girls together. :) 

I have to admit I sat and had tears in my eyes when you said that S asked what would happen if A got bigger and they fought more or less.  You were correct that  growing a family through adoption is different.  I don't think there is a right or wrong answer because each situation is so different.  But knowing what effect it has on S would you still be open to taking at risk placement from the foster system again? 
I feel like this is the our biggest question right now, and one we wrestle with still. After the siblings left in April I swore I'd never be able to do it again unless they could return to us. But to be honest I still find myself looking at the 100,000 kids waiting in the US foster care who are legally free for adoption, so no risk. And I have a hard time saying, no- we will never do foster adoption again. I think we made some mistakes in how we prepared S for the process. And we didn't realize how much it would affect her and she's such a deep thinker. I think we'd have to give her a bigger voice in our decision and I think we'd do a lot more to prepare her for the possibility that they may not be her forever brothers/sisters. That we will love them while they are here. Now we are trying to soak up every day with our two girls. Because we never know what tomorrow may bring. 

I would like to thank Heather at Open Adoption Bloggers for having such a great website for everyone involved in adoption to gather and get to know each other.   With out her I would not have found so many amazing women I can relate to.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Fall update

It has been a very busy fall for us here; and the holiday season doesn't look like it will be any different.  I wanted to share a few pictures from our fall adventures, we went to the zoo, a pumpkin patch & some trick or treating.  Only in Western PA do you need rain boots for that!!





Friday, November 8, 2013


Wednesday nights have become mommy and Noah night, because Joe works late that night.  I really love the 1 on 1 time with him.  Yes as a almost 2 year old (did I really just type that)  he can push you to the limit, but I do enjoy the time.  We get to have dinner just the two of us, and play time, bath time and snuggle time before bed.
He has grown so much the past few months and is really becoming his own little person.  Not a day goes by that I don't sit and laugh at something new he does or has to say.  Yes at most times it is not legible words but you can tell by the tone and stance when he does it he is pissed about something and telling you off.  And when he wants something he wants it and doesn't care how you feel about it.  For instance he was doings something the other night and I told him "NO".  He stopped doing it went and got his backpack out of his toy box and brought it to me to put on him, which he does that often.  He then walks out of the room and turns to me and waves and said "bye" (his version of bye sounds like die, he does it like he is singing it to you).  I guess if I wasn't going to let him stand on the couch he was going to run away.  I mean he is 2 how does he know that.  There are other times he brings you a book and will sit and tell you a story as he turns the pages like he is reading it to you.  He is a lover of books just like his mommy.  But he is just as much boy with his love of cars and trucks.  He brings so much laughter and happiness into our life I can't imagine him not in it.
Even with all the great joys in my life there are still days my heart aches for the things that never will be.  To some people that may sound so selfish as if I don't have enough or if Noah isn't enough.  I love Noah with every ounce of my being and would die for him; I don't ever want that to be questioned.  My entire life all I have ever wanted to be was a mother and yes I am one, but I wanted more than 1 child.  I can't just say to my husband lets have a baby and have a baby the old fashion way.  I have to say lets have a baby fill out tons of paper work, pay ton's of money and wait for years to get matched with a birth mother.  I mean  everyone knows adoption is expensive but know one talks about the fees and the loan payments some have and other things.  We have been paying on the loan to pay the fees for Noah's adoption for 3 years, and have at least 2 more left.  I for the life of me don't understand why it is so expensive but it is and if it is what you choose to do then you accept it.  You don't have to like it but you accept it.
That doesn't mean that there aren't times I ache to know what it is like to have my child move in my tummy and all the good and bad that goes along with it.  It doesn't mean that I don't ache to be able to bring another child into my family, no matter how they come there.  Most days I am ok with things, I really am happy in my life, and am blessed beyond words.  But the longing to make Noah a big brother is so strong lately.  I worry about him down the road being an only child, not having anyone when something happens to Joe and I.  These are the times it is a sad reminder that my body has failed me in so many ways and at this current time is again.  I wouldn't change a thing about how my life is and the things I have experienced to get me to where I stand today.  I think God know that Noah's birth mother, Noah, Joe and I would all need each other at just the right time in life.  I think it was all part of the bigger plan, and I know that God has great things planed for my life and my entire families life, but for right now I have a bit of an aching heart for the things that won't be.


Thursday, October 31, 2013


The other day I was sorting through our mail that came it was the usual bills, sales flyer's and junk mail.  Then mixed in with it all was an orange envelope, I knew the writing before I even looked at the return address.  It was from Noah's grandparents in Las Vegas.  I know alot of people wonder and ask why do you call them his grandparents, well because they are.  I believe in my heart that my parents are secure enough in the relationship they have with Noah to share him.  I will be honest we hadn't seen Noah's birth family since he was born almost 2 years ago.  But we all knew going into it with the distance that is the way it was going to be.  We also all talked about the roles we would play in Noah's life before hand and what we were all comfortable being known as.  Them not wanting to step on anyone's toes with titles and us not wanting to down play the role they had in Noah's life.  She was very cautious and gracious when she asked, "what would you like us to call our self's?"
I think the thing that helped with all of us setting bounds and talking about things so early was they are adoptive parents as well.  I don't know if I have talked about this in the past or not but Noah's birth mother was adopted as well.  So her parents know the emotions and feeling of an adoptive parent trying to move in adoption.  The sad part for them was her adoption was a fully closed adoption so they never really had to address these issues but knew how they felt.  D was coming from a place of being a mother and also an adoptee and knew what questions and feeling she has, and wanted to be there for Noah when he had them.  Open adoption was a complete foreign thing to all of us!  But D, Joe and I all knew it was something we wanted, so we would figure it out.  The work was worth it to all of us; not to say there hasn't been bumps along the way; and that there won't be down the road.  I hope that as the years pass we can continue with the relationship we have with them.  I know I could very well have changed my phone number the second I boarded a plane leaving Las Vegas and never looked back.  I have nothing that legally makes me send anyone pictures.  I do have something far more important than a piece of paper that makes me do it, I have my word that I gave to a frightened mother and her family in a hospital almost 2 years ago.  I couldn't live with myself if I went back on my word, because some day I will have to answer to Noah and to God. And the judgement of those two mean more to me than cutting his family out of my life; even IF I wanted to.
I write this on the eve of the day that marks 2 years since D "walked" into our life's and changed them forever!  Two years ago I went to bed on the night of my favorite Holiday depressed and crying.  I had sat in my house in complete darkness trying to shut the world around me out.  I was at the lowest point I had ever been in my life!  The following day I got an email that changed everything!  On this Halloween night two years later I am celebrating my favorite Holiday with my son who happens to be turning 21 months old today!  He has been such a blessing and joy to our entire family, in PA and Las Vegas!


Sunday, October 13, 2013

Reason, Season, Lifetime

There is a saying; People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.  When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed.   They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  They may seem like a godsend, and they are!  They are there for the reason you need them to be.  Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.  Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.  What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.  The prayer you sent up has been answered.  And now it is time to move on.  When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.  They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.  They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  Believe it! It is real!  But, only for a season.  LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
I have really been having a hard time trying to find a direction for my blog.  Adoption will always be a part of my life, but it just isn't my life.  I don't want to just walk away or turn my back on this or even the topic of adoption, but I need to find other things too.  Through adoption I have met and become close with others.  What started out as adoption support has turned into some friendships.  It is amazing how you can be apart of someones life to help guide them, and then it turns from support to friendship.  To a friendship of telling her things I don't tell my family.  She supports me in everything in my life and we have never even met in person and I would consider her one of my best friends.  As I am sure it is that way with a lot of others who have built a great friendship from support of adoption.  It is also sad how sometimes that support can't move past just that, adoption support.  And that is ok that if it doesn't, I have always promised support and understanding with this blog.  I also promised honesty and truth.  I will never stop that and I will never turn my back to anyone that asks about our adoption and wants support during their own process.  I started this blog for that reason so I can't say it is wrong.
I love having the support of other adoptive families to turn to when I need it.  But I don't want adoption to define who I am and who Noah is.  I want to have other interests and things in my life; and I want the same for Noah.  I don't want Noah to only know adoptive kids and it be the only thing that we talk about and do in our home.
I know that Noah being adopted is something that will always be there, it is something we will never hide from him.  But it is not something we will shove down his throat either.  I know that he is very young right now and we plan to let him take the lead on it down the road.  One of the promises I made to his birth mother was he would live a normal adjusted life.  He will have every opportunity we can give to him given.  He will never be lied to about who he is or how he came to be apart of our family.  He will be given the choice to have a relationship with her when he is ready for it.  He will also live as normal as a life as he can.
Maybe I would have a different way of thinking if we had support groups and a larger amount of people we know who have adopted in our immediate town but there isn't.  We have made friends with other families who had adopted, but our friendships have developed beyond just adoption.  In fact it isn't something we talk about when we see each other.  It is about kids getting together and playing.  But it is something they will all be able to relate to each other when they get older and have questions. 

With all that said I hope that everyone will stay along for the ride of where ever this blog goes.  I can’t promise it will be something great and amazing.  But I will promise as always it will be honest, truthful and me.  That is all I have to offer and I hope that it is enough for everyone.






Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Out and about


He wasn't to sure what he should do with this
The slide was a hit

Acting silly and giving me a face only a mother would love.
Santa knows just what to bring Noah!
What do I think I want?
Hi mommy, watcha ya doing
Mommy I promise I know what I'm doing.
Just wanted to share a few shots from the past couple weeks.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Where to go from here

I have spent a lot of time thinking over the past few weeks as to if it is maybe time to just bow out from the blog.  When I started this it was to keep family and friends informed about how our adoption was going.  It then turned into more of a, this is what the adoption process is like.  Even the first year was look how much Noah has grown and this is where things are at with the finalization of the adoption. 
Here we are just a few days away from Noah’s adoption being finalized for 1 year!  He is 19 and ½ months old and what is there really to talk about. 
Yes Noah is growing into an amazing little boy.  He is climbing onto everything, and most things he should be.  He has learned if he sticks his toes in the links on the baby gate on the steps he can get himself up high enough to get over it.  The dog’s cage has become his personal step ladder to get things we try to keep up from him.  The middle of the dinning room table has become his own personal winners block and he stands on it all the time.  I am pretty sure some day I am going to find him pulling on the blades of the fan above the table.  As much as these things drive me crazy I know it is part of him growing and they are exciting to me at least.  But do other people want to hear about it? 
We do have contact with Noah’s birth family but to be honest it is pretty minimal, so it isn't like I have that to talk about.  I don’t think it is any 1 person’s fault that contact has slowed down, but it has happened.  Our life is busy with 2 working parents and a 19 month old.  They are just as busy and have just as many things going on.  I wish we were in contact more but life happens I guess.  We don’t avoid each other and when 1 or the other reaches out the other always answers back.  I am sure distance has a lot to do with it and it makes it hard for visits and things.  I hope in the future we do get to visit with them. 
So this is where I am at, where is there to go from here?  I have met so many amazing people and know it is because of my blog.  But what is left to say?  What do people really want to hear.


Friday, August 30, 2013

lost track of time

I am so behind on my blogging it isn't even funny!  I was planning on trying to catch up while I was on vacation 2 weeks ago but that did not happen.  There are times I feel like I have so much to say and others not so much.  Maybe I am at the not so much part right now.  I have been dealing with a lot of personal things I am trying to work through to become a better me for my family and son.  I feel like I am back on track a little and want to get back into my blogging.
Not alot has been going on either to be honest.  Just enjoying the last little bit of summer with my little guy.  He seems to be growing SO fast and it feels like I blink and a new child is in front of my eyes.  I know I sound like ALL mothers but it just goes so fast and I want to spend as much time with him as I can and enjoy it.
It is so hard to believe this is the last weekend of summer and fall and winter will be here soon.  In fact I was shopping for Halloween costumes for Noah last night on line, and we have been talking about Christmas presents.  Before I know it I will be planning is 2nd Birthday Party.
I think about life before Noah and I don't remember what it was like.  It's like he has always been apart of our family in some way even before he was.  It has taken over a year but we finally have some sort of schedule figured out in our house.  Not that it will last long because things are forever changing.
I want to wish everyone a happy Labor day and enjoy the last of summer.  I will get pictures this weekend and post them for you all to see.

Have a great Holiday!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

18 months

Wow where has the last 18 months gone?  Noah is now a year and a half old, or 544 days old.  Ok I know what is an extreme but I had to do it.
I actually almost forget that Wednesday was the 18 month mark to be honest.  Life has been so busy at our home right now that the days seem to run together.  I must of wrote the day 100 times at work before it hit me it was the 31st, and even then I had to sit and count the months.  Then recount them because I knew there was no possible way that I was right.  This couldn't be happening, time can't be going this fast.
There are times I look at Noah and I still see my little baby and other's I have to take a second look because I think where has this little boy come from.  He is growing so fast, he has out grown his shoes from the beach already and even some of the clothes he had from there.  That was just 6 weeks ago!
Along with the growth has come a major attitude!  He loves to get his own way and will just yell at you in what ever language he seems to be speaking that day.  Temper tantrums seem to come a little easier with him.  I have found if I don't make a big deal over it and ignore him they seem to stop pretty quick.
He is getting his molars in right now so he is chewing and biting everything he can and that you let him.  Including people if he can, we are working on that one.
He loves Mickey Mouse, Jake the Pirate, Sophia the first and Doc McStuffins.  I don't really fuss to much about them because they all teach learning, sharing and helping others.  He LOVES music, any type really but loves to jam out to Joan Jett, he is such an 80's baby...lol!
He is feeding himself with a fork and spoon if you put the food on it for him.  The spoon is a little messier but he is learning.  
He is learning what sounds go with what items.  He gets his trucks and pushes them going "beep,beep"  As soon as songs he likes comes on the radio or TV he starts jumping around and dancing.
I was talking to my mom and I said I miss his baby stage so much and don't remember him being so little.  But I know in a year I will be saying I miss this stage and don't remember it either!  
It almost doesn't seem fair that God gives us such an amazing gift but let's time fly by so fast!


Wednesday, July 31, 2013

52 weeks of blogging with a purpose - Turn Back Time

We all live with regrets, it is human nature.  At some point in our life we have thought I wish I could have done that different, or have a do over.  How I wish I could go back in time and do this or do that.
When I first saw this topic I was thinking oh man I have so many thing I would change, I would have done this different or that.  So here are the things I would do.

* I would go back and tell my 16 year old self, enjoy things and don't sweat the small stuff.  I was always worried about pleasing other and what they thought.  (Ok I still do that to be honest)

* I would tell my 18 year old self, go to college!  Life will be so much easier to do it then than at 23.  I would tell my 25 year old self, finish college!  Life would be so much easier with that degree.  Your parents are smarter than you think and they do know what they are talking about.

* I would tell my 29 year old self, 30 really isn't that bad.  In fact your 30's will be the best years of your life.  I would most positively tell my 32 year old self even though this feels like rock bottom and your life will never be complete it isn't.  That the longing you heart feels for the love of a child your own will come true in just a few short years.  That the most giving and selfless woman will come into your life and she will make you a mom to the most amazing little boy your heart could ever love.

* I would try to be kinder to the people I love the most.  Because the heart and soul doesn't really ever  forget those things.

But then I really sat and thought and realized everything  most things that happened in my life that I would change, would have changed the course of my life and I wouldn't be where I am right now.  And I don't think I would ever want that to happen.  I know my life isn't perfect right now but it is my life and I love it.


Be sure to head over to From Mrs to Mama to check out the other entries by some other great moms!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

52 weeks of blogging with a purpose - Who I am

Be sure to head over to From Mrs to Mama to check out the other entries by some other great moms!

I am a little late in joining in the 52 weeks of blogging with a purpose.  So I am going to be playing catch up over the next few weeks with it.  I have to admit that the first topic made me want to run the other direction and not look back.  For some reason this one was a tough one for me.  I can tell you what everyone knows, I am a daughter, wife and mother.  But beyond that I don't know anymore and that sort of makes me sad.
I will tell anyone who asks me that I feel the adoption process killed my self confidence and self assurance.  Ten years ago I was a self assured confident hear me roar woman.  I picked up my belonging and moved to a city where I knew no one after a failed relationship and tried to start over.  Did I stumble and fall flat on my face, maybe in some ways I did, but I still did it.  But in others I learned so much about myself and knew I could do anything I wanted and set my mind to.

I am a daughter to the most amazing parents!  They have been there for the best of the best and the worse of the worse.  My parents have always been my biggest cheerleaders, even when they didn't agree with my choices.  They have always been there to pick me up when I fell without to many I told you so comments.  They were there when I was at my lowest point before my son Noah was brought to our family.  They were there for the joy the day he was born and when his adoption was finalized and my greatest wish came true.  My relationship with my parents has changes so much over the past few years and I look forward to the day I get to have the same type of relationship with Noah.  They were always parent first and friend later.  Now they are just the best grand parents in the world.

My amazing parents on my wedding day

I am a wife.  I married one of my best friends 5 years ago.  Do we have a perfect relationship, heaven's no!  We fight and argue.  We don't always like each other at times, BUT we do love each other all the time.  I am high strung, like things done when they need done and people who take initiative in things.  Joe is very laid back, things get done when they get done and you pretty much have to give him a list of instructions to do things.  We have been through alot in our marriage.  Medical issues with Joe, myself and both of my parents, alot of family issues with Joe's family.   The lose of a job and the financial struggle that comes with it.  We have also be through the best of the best!  The adoption of our amazing son and so much more.  So the work we put into our marriage is worth the work to me.  I had the best example of what a marriage should be with my parents and not working things out is never an option.  Are there days I want to through my hands up and walk away, you have no idea.  But I am sure there are days he feels that way to.

Joe and I on our wedding day

I am a mother!  My life long dream, the only thing I have ever wanted to be.  The best title I have ever had, the best job I have ever had.  I would give up every other great thing in my life for this.  Being a mother is more than I ever thought it would be.  It has brought new meaning to my life, and my complete being.  I am able to see the world through different eyes when I look at it through the eyes of my son.  I can look at him and know miracles happen and prayers get answered.  I can have the worse possible day and as soon as I see his smiling face when I pick him up at daycare it all melts away.  My every thought and breath is about Noah or for Noah.  The feeling to know he loves me so unconditionally is the best feeling, and that he needs me as much as I need him!  He is the most loving child, he truly is, he will stop what he is doing and just walk over to you and give you a big hug and kiss.  He is a snugly baby always ready for lap time and cuddles.  I take every chance I get for those bedtime cuddles and hold him way after I need to because I know someday he won't want to do that, and that breaks my heart!

Noah and I when he was 10 days old

I guess being a daughter, wife and mother isn't as bad as I made it sound.  But as for who I am and what I start for, that is harder for me to define.  After thinking about it, I think that is something that is forever changing in your life.  Who I was 15 years ago, then 10 years ago and even 5 years ago is complete different than who I am today.  

Terrific Tuesday

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

52 weeks of blogging with a purpose - If I were to win the lottery

Be sure to head over to From Mrs to Mama to check out the other entries by some other great moms!

Wow I don't even know where to even start with this!  I have always said I would love to win just enough to pay some bills.  You know the usual stuff pay off my house, get Joe and I each new cars, have a nice vacation, bank some and help my parents a little bit.  I didn't need to be able to quit my job I was ok working.

BUT IF I were to win the big time lottery there is so many things that come to mind for me.   I have to say as much as I love the people I work with I would quit my job.  I feel like I miss out on so much of Noah's life working.  I know it is something I have to do and I do it, but if I didn't have to I wouldn't.

The very first thing I would do is pay our adoption loan off.  It would so great to have that off our shoulders.  I can't express how much I want to adopt a sibling for Noah and having the money would make it possible.  But money cannot change 1 big factor age.  So just paying the loan off would be at the top of the list.  I would get more involved with adoptive family groups and birth families.  To show them both how amazing adoption can be if you work together.  

Noah's college would be taken care of hands down.  He will have the opportunity to go to college no matter what, he has a fund started now.  But it would not be a worry with loans left to take of for him or us to pay on the rest of our lives.  I tell Noah to dream big that he can be anything he wants to be, and he can.  But having the money to do it would make it so much easier.

I also love my neighbors and the street we live on.  It is so quiet and most everyone gets along, BUT I would LOVE to live in the county in a 1 story house, not a 3 story one in the middle of town.  I would love a piece of property big enough to have to strain to see my neighbors house.   For Noah to have a nice play area now with a juggle gym.  Then when he gets older a yard big enough to play football in with his friends.  It would have a pool for those hot humid summers.  The most amazing outdoor patio area with a fireplace for us to be able to have all our friends and family over for parties.  

I would buy myself that new Chevy Tahoe I have been dreaming of since we had one when we were in Vegas as a rental.  It was comfy and had lots of space for Noah's friends, or sports equipment.  I would get Joe a new car too.  He definitely  deserves one he has sacrificed so I could always get the one I wanted.  I don't need a big fancy sports car that you can't drive 4 or 5 months out of the year here in PA, something practical and useful.

I can't say I would buy my parents a new house because I am pretty sure they love the one they live in, but if they wanted I would do that for them.  I can't say I would pay it off because it already is.  I would however buy them that new camper they want.  My parents love to camp and go often so having a new camper would be great for them.  I would also pay off their truck.  I would get my dad that Harley he really wants too.  I want my parents to enjoy retirement and travel.  My parents have worked so hard to give my brother and I a great life and now they do the same with their grandchildren.  I want them to be able to retire and enjoy the kids while they can.  Life is short and you are never given tomorrow and I want them to enjoy today.  I would even help my brother to get a few things that I know he and his family would enjoy.

Lastly I would travel, travel, travel.  I have always dreamed of seeing places you only get to see in pictures or even movies.  Places that seem so amazing they don't seem real but you know they are.  Places like the city of love.  To stand under the Eiffel tower in the rain and fall in love all over again.    To be able to sit at the sidewalk cafes and enjoy lunch and the local culture.  To enjoy some of the best shopping in the world.  I think I would have to travel there for at least every season to experience it at it's best.  I have ALWAYS wanted to go to Paris.

Or Venice Italy and take a Gondola ride and see all the amazing building and lights.

To go to a place where the sand is so white and the water is so blue you just know it can't be for real and true.  The ocean is the 1 place my soul is at complete peace.  Where my heart is so happy and my mind is at rest.  To me the beach is the closest thing to heaven on this earth.  I can't explain the calming effect it has on me.  I have to say that I would spring for the beach house big enough for my entire family to enjoy together.  Family is everything and spending time with them is the most important thing.  So to have a place we can all come together and enjoy it would be priceless and what better place than the beach.

I wouldn't spend all our money our course, if we win the amount that I need to do all the above, there would be plenty left over.  I would invest alot to so Joe & I would be ok for the rest of our life.  And also so Noah and his future family would be ok.  It might not be enough that he would never have to work, because I do think he needs to do that in life.  But enough he and his wife and children can go on vacations and have nice things too.

Yea I guess I dream big, maybe to big at times.  But look at what happened last time I dreamed big.  You can't get any more amazing that that smile!


I know all this is based on winning ALOT of money and that is possible, for someone who plays the lottery.  However I do not, so these really are nothing but dreams.  But a girl can still dream right!?