Tuesday, July 30, 2013

52 weeks of blogging with a purpose - Who I am

Be sure to head over to From Mrs to Mama to check out the other entries by some other great moms!

I am a little late in joining in the 52 weeks of blogging with a purpose.  So I am going to be playing catch up over the next few weeks with it.  I have to admit that the first topic made me want to run the other direction and not look back.  For some reason this one was a tough one for me.  I can tell you what everyone knows, I am a daughter, wife and mother.  But beyond that I don't know anymore and that sort of makes me sad.
I will tell anyone who asks me that I feel the adoption process killed my self confidence and self assurance.  Ten years ago I was a self assured confident hear me roar woman.  I picked up my belonging and moved to a city where I knew no one after a failed relationship and tried to start over.  Did I stumble and fall flat on my face, maybe in some ways I did, but I still did it.  But in others I learned so much about myself and knew I could do anything I wanted and set my mind to.

I am a daughter to the most amazing parents!  They have been there for the best of the best and the worse of the worse.  My parents have always been my biggest cheerleaders, even when they didn't agree with my choices.  They have always been there to pick me up when I fell without to many I told you so comments.  They were there when I was at my lowest point before my son Noah was brought to our family.  They were there for the joy the day he was born and when his adoption was finalized and my greatest wish came true.  My relationship with my parents has changes so much over the past few years and I look forward to the day I get to have the same type of relationship with Noah.  They were always parent first and friend later.  Now they are just the best grand parents in the world.

My amazing parents on my wedding day

I am a wife.  I married one of my best friends 5 years ago.  Do we have a perfect relationship, heaven's no!  We fight and argue.  We don't always like each other at times, BUT we do love each other all the time.  I am high strung, like things done when they need done and people who take initiative in things.  Joe is very laid back, things get done when they get done and you pretty much have to give him a list of instructions to do things.  We have been through alot in our marriage.  Medical issues with Joe, myself and both of my parents, alot of family issues with Joe's family.   The lose of a job and the financial struggle that comes with it.  We have also be through the best of the best!  The adoption of our amazing son and so much more.  So the work we put into our marriage is worth the work to me.  I had the best example of what a marriage should be with my parents and not working things out is never an option.  Are there days I want to through my hands up and walk away, you have no idea.  But I am sure there are days he feels that way to.

Joe and I on our wedding day

I am a mother!  My life long dream, the only thing I have ever wanted to be.  The best title I have ever had, the best job I have ever had.  I would give up every other great thing in my life for this.  Being a mother is more than I ever thought it would be.  It has brought new meaning to my life, and my complete being.  I am able to see the world through different eyes when I look at it through the eyes of my son.  I can look at him and know miracles happen and prayers get answered.  I can have the worse possible day and as soon as I see his smiling face when I pick him up at daycare it all melts away.  My every thought and breath is about Noah or for Noah.  The feeling to know he loves me so unconditionally is the best feeling, and that he needs me as much as I need him!  He is the most loving child, he truly is, he will stop what he is doing and just walk over to you and give you a big hug and kiss.  He is a snugly baby always ready for lap time and cuddles.  I take every chance I get for those bedtime cuddles and hold him way after I need to because I know someday he won't want to do that, and that breaks my heart!

Noah and I when he was 10 days old

I guess being a daughter, wife and mother isn't as bad as I made it sound.  But as for who I am and what I start for, that is harder for me to define.  After thinking about it, I think that is something that is forever changing in your life.  Who I was 15 years ago, then 10 years ago and even 5 years ago is complete different than who I am today.  

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