The other day I was sorting through our mail that came it was the usual bills, sales flyer's and junk mail. Then mixed in with it all was an orange envelope, I knew the writing before I even looked at the return address. It was from Noah's grandparents in Las Vegas. I know alot of people wonder and ask why do you call them his grandparents, well because they are. I believe in my heart that my parents are secure enough in the relationship they have with Noah to share him. I will be honest we hadn't seen Noah's birth family since he was born almost 2 years ago. But we all knew going into it with the distance that is the way it was going to be. We also all talked about the roles we would play in Noah's life before hand and what we were all comfortable being known as. Them not wanting to step on anyone's toes with titles and us not wanting to down play the role they had in Noah's life. She was very cautious and gracious when she asked, "what would you like us to call our self's?"
I think the thing that helped with all of us setting bounds and talking about things so early was they are adoptive parents as well. I don't know if I have talked about this in the past or not but Noah's birth mother was adopted as well. So her parents know the emotions and feeling of an adoptive parent trying to move in adoption. The sad part for them was her adoption was a fully closed adoption so they never really had to address these issues but knew how they felt. D was coming from a place of being a mother and also an adoptee and knew what questions and feeling she has, and wanted to be there for Noah when he had them. Open adoption was a complete foreign thing to all of us! But D, Joe and I all knew it was something we wanted, so we would figure it out. The work was worth it to all of us; not to say there hasn't been bumps along the way; and that there won't be down the road. I hope that as the years pass we can continue with the relationship we have with them. I know I could very well have changed my phone number the second I boarded a plane leaving Las Vegas and never looked back. I have nothing that legally makes me send anyone pictures. I do have something far more important than a piece of paper that makes me do it, I have my word that I gave to a frightened mother and her family in a hospital almost 2 years ago. I couldn't live with myself if I went back on my word, because some day I will have to answer to Noah and to God. And the judgement of those two mean more to me than cutting his family out of my life; even IF I wanted to.
I write this on the eve of the day that marks 2 years since D "walked" into our life's and changed them forever! Two years ago I went to bed on the night of my favorite Holiday depressed and crying. I had sat in my house in complete darkness trying to shut the world around me out. I was at the lowest point I had ever been in my life! The following day I got an email that changed everything! On this Halloween night two years later I am celebrating my favorite Holiday with my son who happens to be turning 21 months old today! He has been such a blessing and joy to our entire family, in PA and Las Vegas!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
There is a saying; People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person. When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on. When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
I have really been having a hard time trying to find a direction for my blog. Adoption will always be a part of my life, but it just isn't my life. I don't want to just walk away or turn my back on this or even the topic of adoption, but I need to find other things too. Through adoption I have met and become close with others. What started out as adoption support has turned into some friendships. It is amazing how you can be apart of someones life to help guide them, and then it turns from support to friendship. To a friendship of telling her things I don't tell my family. She supports me in everything in my life and we have never even met in person and I would consider her one of my best friends. As I am sure it is that way with a lot of others who have built a great friendship from support of adoption. It is also sad how sometimes that support can't move past just that, adoption support. And that is ok that if it doesn't, I have always promised support and understanding with this blog. I also promised honesty and truth. I will never stop that and I will never turn my back to anyone that asks about our adoption and wants support during their own process. I started this blog for that reason so I can't say it is wrong.
I love having the support of other adoptive families to turn to when I need it. But I don't want adoption to define who I am and who Noah is. I want to have other interests and things in my life; and I want the same for Noah. I don't want Noah to only know adoptive kids and it be the only thing that we talk about and do in our home.
I know that Noah being adopted is something that will always be there, it is something we will never hide from him. But it is not something we will shove down his throat either. I know that he is very young right now and we plan to let him take the lead on it down the road. One of the promises I made to his birth mother was he would live a normal adjusted life. He will have every opportunity we can give to him given. He will never be lied to about who he is or how he came to be apart of our family. He will be given the choice to have a relationship with her when he is ready for it. He will also live as normal as a life as he can.
Maybe I would have a different way of thinking if we had support groups and a larger amount of people we know who have adopted in our immediate town but there isn't. We have made friends with other families who had adopted, but our friendships have developed beyond just adoption. In fact it isn't something we talk about when we see each other. It is about kids getting together and playing. But it is something they will all be able to relate to each other when they get older and have questions.
With all that said I hope that everyone will stay along for the ride of where ever this blog goes. I can’t promise it will be something great and amazing. But I will promise as always it will be honest, truthful and me. That is all I have to offer and I hope that it is enough for everyone.