Monday, July 25, 2011


The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.        Psalm 18:2

So we got some news today from the Social worker about the family that was considering us.  The birth family has chosen a different family for their child.  For we shed tears of sorrow tonight as another family sheds tears of the greatest joy.  We know that this has been a very hard decision for this birth family since it has taken them a month to make it.  We pray for the birth family as they say good-bye and the adoptive family as they say hello.  We have peace with this for someday it will be us shedding tears of joy when God is ready for us too.



Joe and Melinda

Sunday, July 24, 2011


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within. -

Ralph Waldo Emerson

There has been so many times I have thought about the strength other adoptive families have for doing what we are doing. NEVER have I included myself and Joe in that, and I don't know why not, we are doing the same thing they are, right?  I think of the road I started to travel at the age of 12 to get where I am at took alot from within.  I had to deal with things most girls my age didn't even know they had, and I am still dealing with it, having surgery as recent as last Friday for problems.  I have spent alot of time praying to God, the past few months.  I feel like my relationship with God has grown so much during this process.   I have asked for signs when I need them and they have been shown to me.  I have asked for strength and it has been given to me.  I have cried so many tears and thought so many thought.  I spend hours sitting in the nursery just thinking and spending quiet time.  I have also been reading alot of other adoptive family blogs and realize that in so many ways our stories are the same, we are all just traveling this road at different times and speeds.

I believe there are flaws in the process, I believe there are things that can be done different, by all parties involved.  I think some agencies are not good agencies, so are in it for the money only, as sad as that way seem and sound to you, but it is an EXPENSIVE, process.  I think some agencies try to do the right things.  I often wonder how these social worker do their jobs.  In case you don't know this, adoptive mothers can be crazy, I know it is surprising, it surprised me  To us we are the only people they should care about. I think communications could be better but it is what it is.

No matter what strength I think lies within me, I can't find the words to say what I think lies within that birth mom, if she is 15 or 50, that has to be a decision and a choice that is like no other.  You are making a choice to let another family, you know pretty much nothing about, take, love and keep your child for life.  I feel I need to say this after reading some blogs and to address some something some people may be thinking.  Birth moms have choices.  No one is "ripping" her baby from her arms.  In fact most of the cards are stacked for her.  She is the one that gets to choose you, she gets to choose if she is going change her mind, she gets to take a month to make a decision and you can't do a thing about it.  And in our state she gets to let you have that baby for 30 days and then come back.  I don't mean to sound bitter about it because I am not.  What I am bitter about is people who say things like that not knowing the real process.   No body should be told a family member should die so you feel the pain of the birth mom, that is crazy.  Yes I am sure that birth mom is in pain, a pain we as adoptive moms will never know.  But we have pain to, the pain of not being able to do the one thing women should be able to do, have a child!  That is a pain like no other too.

So after that....we are still waiting to hear the births moms decision.  If it's not this one it will be another.  God has a plan and that is what matters. 

Thanks for listening to my rant..I just really need to get that off my chest.


Sunday, July 10, 2011


We have had alot going on the past few weeks that only a few people have known about.  A few weeks ago we found out that our profile was being looked at and we were being considered by a birth mom. We were excited, overwhelmed, scared, everything in one.  We didn't tell alot of people because if it didn't work out we didn't have alot of people to untell.  We waited by phone and email for information, any information. One week went by and we didn't hear anything, that rolled into the holiday with no word.  We were hoping to find something out last week and we did, about another possible match.  The baby was 2 weeks old at that point and the mom was looking for a family.  We were excited but had some concerns but were willing to think about it.  Less than 24 hours later we found out that the birth mom had decided to parent.  We pray for her and her son and wish her the best.  The very same day we heard that we also heard at this point the birth mom from the other situations has not contacted the agency in over a week.  I am so confused and don't know what to think.  I wonder is she ok, did something happen to her.  Is her baby ok.  We were also told that the mother had placed before and was hoping that family would adopt the child, for reason we don't know they were not able, so I wonder did she find them and work something out with them and not tell anyone?  I broke the number 1 rule I set when we started this, don't get attached when we are being considered.  I did not know how hard that would be to not.  The minute you get information you start to wonder what the baby will look like.  What kind of relationship you will have with the birth family, what the babies future will be like.  I know at this point that she can and may still contact the agency and things could still work out and they couldn't.

It's funny how people who are in the same place we are view things.  I was so sure we would get picked by the first family, it would go well.  No problems, we would bring home a perfect baby.  Then we have friends who have told us the fully expect to have this happen to them, they are prepared for it.  I guess I should have been to.  It's funny when I hear people say my arms ache to hold our child.  My arms don't ache, my heart does, to just love them, my eyes ache for the sight of them, my ears ache to hear the words mom and dad, my skin aches for their touch.  I know that it will all happen in God time and when the right family comes along everything will fall into place.  Until then, I am going to have good days and I am going to have bad days.  Some days I don't think about it and other days, like today, I can't stop thinking about it and hoping for it and praying for it.  I have cried so many tears on days like this one.  Out of frustrations, hurt and anger.  Out of not knowing what will happen.

I hope that things turn out amazing with this mom and in a few weeks I get to tell you I am a mom and if not it will happen.  In the mean time I am going to focus on living life and praying and planning our fundraiser because who knows maybe our birth mom is in Ohio, Florida or New York and the extra money will help us find her.

Thank you for all your love and prayers while we wait for Baby Oklamchak to find us.