Thursday, February 23, 2012

While in Vegas

This is a little of the story of Noah's arrival.  I am not going to give all the details because some things need to be kept for Noah and some things I just don't think are fair to "D" to tell everyone.  Because I don't want anyone to thing she is anything but an amazing person who gave Joe and I and our family the most amazing gift, the gift of a life we could not have on our own and that my friend is pretty amazing.

So our flight leaves Sunday around 1 from Pittsburgh and we fly to Atlanta.  We have about a 2 hour lay over so Joe, my mom, she went with us, and I go and get some dinner.  It is a 5 hour flight from Atlanta to Las Vegas so we want dinner before we leave.  We are sitting talking and I start to cry we are one step closer to meeting her.  Just as we are talking my phone rings I have a text message it is "D" asking when we leave and will get to Vegas.  I tell her we are on our way and give her our flight information.  We board our flight we are on our way.  We get to Vegas around 9:30, which is 12:30 here in PA.  We get off our flight and head to baggage claim and there stands "D" with signs for us and her 5-year-old son "T".  She met us with BIG hugs and pictures and signs and just like we were going to see family.  Now keep in mind this is the FIRST time we have ever met, we have just formed such an amazing bond over the phone. 

The following day we pick "D" up and go to lunch and spend hours talking and visiting.  We head to the doctor for her last visit.  She gets called back into the room and turns to me and said well are you coming?  I am not going to say no!  We get to her room and the nurse starts asking questions and said to "D" and who is this and looks at me and she said this is the babies mom!  I start to cry, I am such a baby!  Then the tears get worse, I get to hear his heart beat for the first time, it is a sound I will NEVER forget.  "D" and I cry together at the sound of it and that we got the share it together.  After the doctor's office we head to the hospital to get registered for tomorrow, her C section has been scheduled for 7:30 PM.  Are you kidding what are we going to do ALL day tomorrow?

We get up on Tuesday morning and decide to head to Hoover Dam and Lake Mead to keep us busy and not just sitting and watching the clock.  It was nice spending the day with Joe and my mom.  I didn't think about the fact in just few hours the child that may be our son is going to be born.  We got back to our hotel for dinner before we left for the hospital.  We stayed at this amazing Marriott, with the best staff ever, it had a full kitchen, living room/dining room combo, 2 bedroom and a full bath.  In fact it was bigger the first apartment Joe and I had.  Anyway, we cooked dinner and sat to eat.  I remember saying, I feel like I should have gone to church today.  So the three of us, my mom , Joe and I all held hands and prayed.  Prayed the "D" the baby made it through surgery ok, that the baby was healthy and that God was in our presence of the next few days.  Before we know it it's time to go to the OR, we go to a back room, "D" and I, they take her into the room to get her ready and have me in the hall putting on a gown.  The next thing I know the nurse that had been taking care of us came out into the hall and put her arm around me and said, she wants her mom.  I feel my heart drop and I don't know what to do or say.  Her mom came back to the hall and they got a gown on her and the doctor was there washing up, he looks at me as I am crying and said to the nurse does she not want her in there and the nurse said yes but she wants her mom too, they will only let 1 person in with her.  He said come on let's go your son is about to be born.  The next few minutes were nothing I will ever be able to put into words and I feel bad that Joe was not able to be there with me.  I do know that I knew in the instant my life was never going to be the same again, even if this baby didn't leave this hospital with me, my life was going to be changed.  I have only ever experienced that kind of instant love 2 other times in my life, but yet it was so different. 

The next 48 hours were spent sleeping on the pull out bed in the hospital with "D".  I think I left the hospital for a total of 3 hours and that was not even 3 straight hours.  To some people it may seem a little strange that we did that, but we had become so close over the past few months.  To be honest I think she needed that time with both Noah and I, to be ok with her decision.  I got VERY little sleep those few days.  Monday night I was up just nervous about Tuesday and then very little at the hospital.  So needless to say by the end of the week I was spent.  Thursday morning we found out that she and the baby would be discharged from the hospital.  In so many ways this was bad, because she could not sign paper, they were called TPR, until Friday night.  So we needed to get a plan together as to where she and the baby would go until then.  Everyone was trying to talk her into staying at the hospital but she was sent on leaving.  The more they tried to talk her into staying the worse it got.  The hospital social worker came into talk to us before I left to go shower and get the car seat.  The feeling I had that morning is a feeling I never want to feel again in my life.  The social worker stopped me in the hall to see if everything was ok and how things were going.  I lost it, I was hysterical crying, telling her I know that I was never going to see her or Noah again.  I truly felt in my heart that she was going to be gone when I came back to get her and Noah.  She and I talked a little and she promised she would go and speak with "D" and call me.  I kept saying don't make me come back and find an empty room please don't.  Not long after I got back to the hotel to shower she called and said that "D" was worried I wasn't going to come back for her and the baby.  I realized at that moment that God wanted me to feel that way, to think I was never going to see the child I had grown to love and think of as my son.  To feel so helpless in the situation.  He wanted me to feel that way so I could feel what she was feeling so I could better understand and appreciate what was about to happen.  I try not to think of that moment very often because I can't breath when I do.  Anyway we returned to the hospital and "D" was there waiting for us.  Plans were set up for her to stay in a room at the same hotel as us so we could all be close together.  We had a wonderful evening visiting and spending time together, her parents came to visit and brought her 5 year son "T" to visit and he spent the night with her.  She said she wanted 1 night with her two boys before Noah left, as hard as it was for me I could not stop her from taking him.  At one point she was sitting on the sofa with Noah and was sobbing and talking real soft with him.  Looking back now I realize she wa saying good-bye, but at that moment I didn't know.  She went to her room to get "T" ready for bed and was coming back for Noah, she never did. 

The next day was THE day, the social worker was coming at 7:30 pm for "D" to sign TPR.  We took Noah to the doctor at 11:30.  On the way back to the hotel "D" said she would like just her and I to spend sometime together.  We left Noah with Joe and my mom and she and I went to lunch.  We spent hours talking, talking about everything, our childhood, our dreams our goals.  The things we both wish for Noah, things I think she wanted me to know to be able to tell him when the time comes.  I found it so odd she didn't want to spend the time with Noah.  We almost didn't make it back to the hotel in time for the social workers to come.  We did get to spend a little bit of time with him and then the came.  We all visited for a little bit and then they asked us to leave.  We let them use our room so "D" would have some privacy as she made a decision that was going to change her life forever.  We waited for what seemed like hours in the lobby of the hotel, in reality it was more like hour to an hour and a half.  Our social worker rounded the corner and our eyes met and she smiled, and I lost it.  I cried to finally be holding "our" child, for the craziness of the week that I did not speak about to be done and  for the pain "D" must be feeling.  Noah is perfect in every way and for being such a small little boy has answered so many prayers.  My mom said to me your face is going to hurt from smiling and I said never besides I cried alot of tears to be able to smile like this.

This is where I feel things with this part of the story ends.  Some of the things that happened since then I want to keep just for Noah. 

We want to thank you all for coming along for this ride with us, for your love, support and prayers.  The thing is the ride has just started.  We plan on keeping with the blog and we move through this adopt and as Noah grows.  So you are all invited to continue on the ride with us if you would like.

Thank you for everything.


Melinda, Joe and Noah

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The start of our story

November 5th

We are on our way to our nephews 2nd birthday party, just another Saturday evening right.  Then the chime on my phone rights, it is D we have been talking with each other for a few days now.  She found us on a website we listed our profile on, sort of a networking type thing as we wait with our agency.  It is always exciting when you make contact with a mom that is thinking of making an adoption plan.  But it is also like don’t get too excited because the other shoe is going to fall, it always does.  We spend most of the evening texting and then I get “the” text, I want you and Joe to adopt my child.  I fell in love with your profile.  Small party on the inside right!  I can hardly keep it in and Joe and I sneak away for a second so I can tell him.  A million thought run through my mind, we have talked to other mom’s in the past but none that have ever said I want you to adopt my child.  We leaving it that we are going to talk on the phone the following day.  How am I ever going to sleep tonight!

November 6th

I made it through the night, not much sleep but made it.  We went to church and ran some errands before D is to call. Now the waiting!  Well we waited almost all day but she did call.  She is the most amazing woman.  We spent 2 hours on the phone talking about everything.  Why she wants to place her child for adoption, why she chose us, what we both see for a relationship for us all in the future.  D herself is adopted and only wants an open adoption of calls and emails and pictures, she just wanted to be able to sit down in the future and explain things and answer questions that she was never able to ask since she had a closed adoption.  When it is time to get off the phone I know this will be the true test of if she is sincere about making an adoption plan.  I tell her we are signed with an agency and everything needs to be done with them.  I feel my heart fall as I tell her this because I don’t want to hear what she has to say because I love her and then it happens, she said the words… Not a problem I think it is best for us both to have an agency involved.  Here is my address and my mom’s phone number, talk to your social worker and find out who I need to call.  And then it happens I lose it, this might be happening!  I know we have a lot to work out still but this is good right!?

 November 12th

It has been a whirlwind week.  We were in contact with our agency to see what we needed to do and who D needed to get in touch with at the local agency in her state.  Only to find out that our agency does not have an office in that state at all, they will need to find an agency to transfer us to.  Great we have been down along road so far and now we need to get used to another agency.  We get the information on the new agency and what will happen, we can’t be reading this right can we, the fees are less than ½ of what we thought they would be.  Now we will have the money for travel, this is working way to well, something is going to happen, and it always does.

We have a great conservation with the social worker at the new agency, she is the sweetest girl.  She explains some things to us and what our options are and what they can do for D.  The first piece of advice given to us by the social workers at both agencies, since we will still be working with our agency here in PA as well, tell us to pay for an assessment to be done with D.  Just for the social workers to get a feel of things and get back round information we may not get on our own.  Joe and I instantly agree that we want to do this.  So the meeting is set up with D and the social worker for next Tuesday and we should have a report Thursday or Friday.

November 18th

I don’t even know where to begin as I sit to write this, so many thought and emotions are running in my mind.  We got the assessment emailed to us late last night from our PA social worker.  I sit for a long time this morning before opening it.  This is either going to say this is it or run, run as fast as you can in the other direction.  I finally open it and read it I have to do it eventually right.  So I read it and email our PA social worker some questions we have and we both agree there are a few things that are not overly clear and we need more information on it.  So I make it through the work day with all this going on in my head counting down the minutes until I get home and call our other social worker.  The great thing about this is they are several hours behind us in time so I can still call her today.  Joe and I call and have a conference call with her.  We talk and she answers all our questions and we talk a little and she gives us her advice on moving forward.  I start to cry and can’t control it.  I just break down, everything emotions from this entire process comes out.  I don’t think our social worker really knows what to say, I can only hear her say are you ok?  I can’t even get the words out, so Joe answers with tears yes we are ok, we have just been matched with D!  I never thought this day would come.  I know we have a long road ahead of us and there will been good days and bad days, but there are those in life in general for now today is a good day.  We have been matched!  D is due on February 4th with a boy! 

December 16th

The past few weeks have had many ups and downs.  I don’t understand many of the decisions D makes and the things she does.  It keeps me up many nights worrying about her, and I mean her not the baby.  Joe and I have grown to care about her so much over the past few weeks.  A friend who also adopted said she wishes she had more direct contact with her child’s birth mother and all I can say is no you don’t.  Yes building a relationship with D at our pace and being able to call when we are thinking of her is great.  We are building that trust with each other to know we will each do what we say we are going to do is great.  But with that also comes knowing all her problems and being involved in every bad decision.  It has caused so many night crying and not knowing what to do to help her.  Our social worker from the state D lives in has been a God sent, I don’t know what we would do without her during this process.  One of our social workers from our agency was here today to update some paper work we need to be legal in the adoption world.  The state D lives in has different laws that ours so we had some updates we needed to do.  She also had many encouraging words for us during this process.  Right now we are going on prayer and hope that things will work out.

January 4, 1012

D is due in 1 month from today.  With each passing day new thoughts and nerves enter my mind and body.  With each passing doubt I try my best to breath and get on bended knee to God.  I have to be honest I don’t think D will make it to her due date, and I hope for her she goes a little early.  See D is a very small girl and the last picture we got at Christmas, she is very large.  Every day we talk to her she is saying about how much her back and shoulders hurt her from the weight on her tummy. 

Things have been so busy with getting our stuff ready to go and the babies stuff, and getting a hotel lined up and cars and stuff.  Plus getting things taken care of at work, thank God I have great employers and they have been so so supportive of this. 

I think the next few weeks might be the longest of my life, but I will just try to stay busy and not think about it…easier said than done right!

January 13, 2012

Well D had a doctor’s visit today.  Things are looking good and moving along slowly.  They are still working on trying to get things together for her to have a c section for Joe and me to be there for his birth.  There are so many emotions with each passing day.  I have really highs thinking this could be happening and then really lows thinking my heart will be broken.  I keep telling my mom that God won’t let my heart get hurt again, and I really believe that, most of the time!

January 17th

So my mom and I went for pedi’s tonight thinking this might be our last “girls” night for awhile.  Plus to just get my mind off of things and pass the time.  Just as we get into the chair my cell phone rings and I know the number is to Dena’s doctor’s office.  This could be it….well it wasn’t, it was just the phone call to say that a c section has been scheduled for the 31st.  Not even 5 minutes later D calls, she is so excited, you will get to meet your son soon.  We talk for a few minutes and then I get to relaxing…ya right.  It hits me all at once and I break down.  Every thought, every emotion, every tear to this point hits me in the middle of a nail salon, great!  They are all going to think I am crazy, or more than I am.  My mom and I talk, so this is our last “girls” night.  It is decided then that we will fly out on Sunday the 29th.  We will get to finally meet D and spend Monday with her.  This is really happening.

January 28, 2012

Well we are packed and ready to go, our plane leaves tomorrow at lunchtime.  All the years and tears and hopes and everything has come to this.  I hope we don’t travel all that way to be let down.  I wonder what D will think of us, what our first meeting will be like.  What if she decides she doesn’t like us?  What if she sees him and decides she can’t do this.  Will I still love her if she does do that?  But surely God would not have brought this far for it not to happen.  I have so many thought running through my mind at this point, thought I can’t put into words and thought I really just want to keep to myself.  I know that to this point we have been very open about things but some of this story is going to be kept to us and maybe someday for our son. 

Once we get back I will post with all the details of our trip.


Melinda and Joe

We have a SON

I know it might come as a shock to most of you and I promise I will take the time to give a better update this weekend.  We have been blessed with alot of family and friends visiting the past few days since we got home.

Noah George was born in Las Vegas on January 31,2012 at 7:36 pm.  He weighted 8 lbs. 6 oz. and was 19 inches long. 

Thank you for all your love and support it has never gone unnoticed by us.

Like I said I promise that I will post the entire story this weekend.


Melinda, Joe and Noah