So I have been thinking and thinking about what I want to write about for my next post, and I have total writes block! This can't be happening! I am sure it is nothing more than the haze of meds and other things flying around in my head. The past few weeks have been hard ones for me with a cold that just would not go away. I was on 1 round of antibiotics and it didn't seem to clear it up. Then on Valentine's Day night I spiked a fever of 103.8 and could NOT get it to come down. After a call to the doctor in the morning and a trip to the hospital for a flu test and a chest x-ray I got a call that I had pneumonia. I got another antibiotic and steroid to help with the breathing. So I spent the next 4 days in bed and not even able to take care of Noah. Finally by Tuesday I was able to go back to work, which took everything out of me to make it through the day. That Friday I had a follow up at the doctor and ended up on another round of steroids and 2 different inhalers; she said things didn't seem to be clearing up. I am finally starting to feel a little bit better. I am still having breathing issues at time but it is much better and less often.
So with all that going on I have really not had alot of time to think about the blog; so I am just going to post a Noah update.
He is getting so big and had a major temper. I think right now we may be going through some separation anxiety, especially with me. He is fine as long as I am in the room,but as soon as I leave he has a total melt down. I am sure alot of that is because Joe drops him off at daycare and I pick him up so he isn't used to me leaving him. In the past 7 days he has gotten 4 teeth that have come through completely and looks like 2 more are ready to break the skin. So I am sure that is not helping. He is a climber, and will climb on anything he can. Even his toys with wheels so I see some hospital trips in our future! He is starting to get a little braver and will leave go to turn and step like a 1/2 step to a step to get you or grap something else but no full blown walking. At times I feel like I am doing something wrong as a parent because he was so late in getting teeth and isn't walking. And won't even hold his own bottle, all of which he can do but won't. Finally I realized it is nothing I am doing wrong and he will do it when he wants to. We work with him on it and that is all we can do. He is a happy healthy baby who is well adjusted so I have to be doing something correct.
So on a side note, my blog was featured on a website called Mom at Last, I have a button for it on the side so stop by and check it out.
Also this is a great site, they have so many article on it and many resources for adoption. Like the Webinar they are having in March. It is a Webinar to help with resources for adoption, the one in March will have a guest speaker from Gifts of Adoptions. I know having received a grant for some of the cost of our adopton was a big thing and any information you can get is always good to have.
Here is a link to it as well.
http://www.momatlast.com/adoption/free-adoption-webinar/
Have a great day
Melinda
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Tuesday posts
So I love the idea of a weekly post, like Wordless Wednesday or Thoughtful Thursday. I wanted to do something for Monday but just couldn't come up with anything cute. So it hit me this evening I am going to do a Terrific Tuesday.
It will not be anything deep and most likely pictures or something. I don't know yet if they will all be adoption related or not. I love quotes and pictures with saying so we will see what happens with it.
So if you have any ideas you would like to suggest please send me an email and I will work on it.
I am also open to doing guest posts too. Still working all the details out on that.
So starting tomorrow look for the first Terrific Tuesday post.
Until tomorrow
Melinda
It will not be anything deep and most likely pictures or something. I don't know yet if they will all be adoption related or not. I love quotes and pictures with saying so we will see what happens with it.
So if you have any ideas you would like to suggest please send me an email and I will work on it.
I am also open to doing guest posts too. Still working all the details out on that.
So starting tomorrow look for the first Terrific Tuesday post.
Until tomorrow
Melinda
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Blog Hop #2
Heather over at Open Adoption Bloggers runs this amazing site for old and new bloggers to connect. It is for anyone really; but the site has blogs from, birthparents, adoptive parents, adopted children and people who are waiting to adopt.
She is always doing something to connect people, and this month she is having a Blog Hop. This months topic is your favorite quote. Stop over and check some other ones out.
This is a quote I used alot when we were waiting and even now with things going on in my life.
She is always doing something to connect people, and this month she is having a Blog Hop. This months topic is your favorite quote. Stop over and check some other ones out.
This is a quote I used alot when we were waiting and even now with things going on in my life.
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
Happy Hopping
Melinda
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
You asked what...
Over the past two years of our adoption process and the past year of having our son we have had people ask so many questions. Some were people trying to become educated on the topic and some I think were people being just plain rude. I usually try to answer the questions as best as I can without being rude or nasty because I tell myself it is because they just don't know. And other times I just want to look at them and say you just asked what...
For starters, why didn't you just do foster care? And give a child who really needs a home one. To be honest that was the first step we took. And second if our son's mother, or any mother was looking at adoption they needed a home as well. People don't just place children because they feel like it. We spent 8 weeks attending training classes, and group meetings, and filling out papers. We prayed about it we thought about it, we talked to people. We wanted to give a child a home, one that they could count on and know they were safe in. The more we talked to the social workers during the classes and via phone the more THEY talked us out of it. They repeatedly told us adoption in foster care is not possible. The goal is to reunite the child with their family. We would just be a stop on the train ride so to speak. Not something you want to hear when you just want to love a child forever right. Plus the flexibility of my schedule just wasn't there, to be able to take off work for court hearings, visits and counseling sessions. I love my job, I love my bosses, but they are running a business and I respect that. Along with the fact that I know in my heart I could not have a child in my home love them, know the history and then see them go back to a situation that was harmful to them. I didn't want to lose my faith in the system that I had been taught was in place to protect a child and my trust in faith in people and God as well. So this option was not for us.
Another question we get, why didn't you go overseas it is so much easier and cheaper. First to me ANY avenue you take for adoption is not easier. In all adoptions there is paper work, and waiting and heartache. The waiting and heartache being the two biggest things. I can't say for a fact since we didn't do international adoption and I am not educated in the process but from the research we did, it is not cheaper. You still have to pay agency fees, and alot of the countries require several trips before placement. Some of those trips can be for weeks or even a month or more at a time. To me that would be just as expensive, if not more. If you adopt from your home state you could have no travel expense involved to very minimal. We had 9 days cost of hotels, rental car and 3 round trip airfares in ours and I know what that cost. And revert back to my previous answer with my schedule. Plus you take the chance of them closing the border so to speak after you have been matched with a child and bonded with them. So in no neither cheaper or easier. I do want to make myself clear on this topic, I am in NO way saying this is not a good option. I have a friend from high school who has the two most amazing children from international adoption. They are the center of her world and I love seeing that. If I were in a much different position it would be something we would think about but it wasn't for us.
Then we get the well how much was it really. I just want to say where in your mind do you think that is an appropriate question? I understand we have had fundraisers to help with the cost and by participating in them you feel you can ask that. Or even if you didn't you feel you can ask that. Well if I was having fundraisers it's obvious it is expensive. And I appreciate the help from the bottom of my heart, but please don't put me on the spot. I think that ranks right up there with wow you must make good money since you can do. Or well how much do you make. I feel telling you is like putting a price tag on my son and that is just out of line and not something I am willing to do, thank you very much.
Or how about don't you want a real child? What about my son doesn't look or seem real to you. And what does that mean anyway.
We have been told he is so lucky that you opened your home to him. Thanks but I don't see it that way, we are lucky to have him in our life to be able to love him and care for him. See his birth mother gave us an amazing gift and I will never say look at me look at this great thing I did because I didn't, she did. I think all families involved in adoption are lucky a child can never have to many people who love them.
I could go on with some of the stuff that has been asked and comment, maybe that will be a future post as well.
We get just as many questions that are from people who are looking into adoption and really just are gathering information and I could talk to them for hours.
So I have to ask what are some of the best and worse comments or things that have been said to you as an adoptive parent?
Melinda
For starters, why didn't you just do foster care? And give a child who really needs a home one. To be honest that was the first step we took. And second if our son's mother, or any mother was looking at adoption they needed a home as well. People don't just place children because they feel like it. We spent 8 weeks attending training classes, and group meetings, and filling out papers. We prayed about it we thought about it, we talked to people. We wanted to give a child a home, one that they could count on and know they were safe in. The more we talked to the social workers during the classes and via phone the more THEY talked us out of it. They repeatedly told us adoption in foster care is not possible. The goal is to reunite the child with their family. We would just be a stop on the train ride so to speak. Not something you want to hear when you just want to love a child forever right. Plus the flexibility of my schedule just wasn't there, to be able to take off work for court hearings, visits and counseling sessions. I love my job, I love my bosses, but they are running a business and I respect that. Along with the fact that I know in my heart I could not have a child in my home love them, know the history and then see them go back to a situation that was harmful to them. I didn't want to lose my faith in the system that I had been taught was in place to protect a child and my trust in faith in people and God as well. So this option was not for us.
Another question we get, why didn't you go overseas it is so much easier and cheaper. First to me ANY avenue you take for adoption is not easier. In all adoptions there is paper work, and waiting and heartache. The waiting and heartache being the two biggest things. I can't say for a fact since we didn't do international adoption and I am not educated in the process but from the research we did, it is not cheaper. You still have to pay agency fees, and alot of the countries require several trips before placement. Some of those trips can be for weeks or even a month or more at a time. To me that would be just as expensive, if not more. If you adopt from your home state you could have no travel expense involved to very minimal. We had 9 days cost of hotels, rental car and 3 round trip airfares in ours and I know what that cost. And revert back to my previous answer with my schedule. Plus you take the chance of them closing the border so to speak after you have been matched with a child and bonded with them. So in no neither cheaper or easier. I do want to make myself clear on this topic, I am in NO way saying this is not a good option. I have a friend from high school who has the two most amazing children from international adoption. They are the center of her world and I love seeing that. If I were in a much different position it would be something we would think about but it wasn't for us.
Then we get the well how much was it really. I just want to say where in your mind do you think that is an appropriate question? I understand we have had fundraisers to help with the cost and by participating in them you feel you can ask that. Or even if you didn't you feel you can ask that. Well if I was having fundraisers it's obvious it is expensive. And I appreciate the help from the bottom of my heart, but please don't put me on the spot. I think that ranks right up there with wow you must make good money since you can do. Or well how much do you make. I feel telling you is like putting a price tag on my son and that is just out of line and not something I am willing to do, thank you very much.
Or how about don't you want a real child? What about my son doesn't look or seem real to you. And what does that mean anyway.
We have been told he is so lucky that you opened your home to him. Thanks but I don't see it that way, we are lucky to have him in our life to be able to love him and care for him. See his birth mother gave us an amazing gift and I will never say look at me look at this great thing I did because I didn't, she did. I think all families involved in adoption are lucky a child can never have to many people who love them.
I could go on with some of the stuff that has been asked and comment, maybe that will be a future post as well.
We get just as many questions that are from people who are looking into adoption and really just are gathering information and I could talk to them for hours.
So I have to ask what are some of the best and worse comments or things that have been said to you as an adoptive parent?
Melinda
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Our process
In the past few weeks I have really been wanting to become more active in the adoption community and blog world. At first I was worried about people wanting to read what I write about. Would they really care about it. How will I find something amazing and earth moving to write about each time I write. Then it hit me, I don't have to, I just need to write from the heart and how I am feeling and it will be amazing. Or amazing to me at least, and I can say I gave it a good try if other people don't read it.
I'm not sure if I ever went into some of the intty gritty of our adoption process. If you are reading this and have read it before, I am sorry, and if not here it is.
I'm not sure if I ever went into some of the intty gritty of our adoption process. If you are reading this and have read it before, I am sorry, and if not here it is.
If you were to ask when our adoption journey started I would say in March of 2010, to give you a date. But it started long before that, many years before that. As a married couple we never had that we tried and tried and did this treatment and that treatment. When Joe and I got married we knew, if we wanted children these are the options we have. I never hid the fact I couldn’t have children of my own; from an illness I had as a child. Don’t get me wrong it doesn’t make it any easier but we never had that crushing moment as a married couple that often breaks people. So we had that in our favor when we started the process.
We did tons of research and talked to several agencies before deciding on the agency we wanted to use. We filed out all our paper work, had our physicals done, checks done and completed our home study and was active with the agency in November of 2010. We waited with hope and encouragement the first few months. We had fundraisers to help us with the cost of everything and just took joy in knowing that our entire community and family were behind our decision. As the months passed and our profile had only been shown 1 time in 9 months we were really upset and frustrated. * We were presented with a few situations that were county situations and after the fact it was decided we lived to far away for the social worker to come for the visits. They consider these as being presented, I do not * At this point we started networking on our own heavily. We ran into a lot of road blocks with the agency over this and butted heads a lot. (They told us to network but had restrictions on where and how we could do it, it was all very confusing and frustrating.) I do have to say that even with us not being happy with the agency I know it is a personal view, we had some great social workers we came in contact with at this agency and I still have some contact with them. We have made great friends we meet through the agency and other adoption avenues who love them. The only thing I say is don't just do internet research on an agency talk to people too. After we signed we heard so many mixed things. You need to just go with your gut when you are picking an agency. What is right for you may not be for others and that is ok. I was listing our profile on fee websites to try to get some exposure. One of the groups I had joined on-line had teamed up with a networking site and was running a special where you could list your profile on their site for $50.00 for a 1 year listing. I thought this is not going to work but what the heck. While I was working on getting the listing together with the IT people there, I had made contact with an agency in Chicago who had a situation we would be perfect for. The baby was due in 5 days. We sent our profile and were feeling confident with this. We made the arrangements with our family started to get things together at work “just incase” and was waiting for the call. We did get the call, but it wasn’t what we thought. The birth mom went with a family who was closer because she wanted an open adoption that included visits. I was done at that point I couldn’t go on. I just didn't know how much let down I could take. I just felt it was taking so long and we were hitting so many road blocks along the way. Then 5 days after our profile went live with the networking site we were contacted by a birth mother.
We set things up with a new agency, the one we were using did not have an office in that areas, and spent almost 3 months building a relationship with her. We talked everyday several times a day via text messaging, phone calls and email.
Then on January 28, 2012 we boarded a plane to Las Vegas
I have to say I believe it was all in the hands of a bigger power. I don't think he made her pregnant for us, but I do think he led our paths to each other. Our profile on that site was active until November of 2012 and we never got 1 other contact from it. It is also still active on several free sites and we have not made another contact from that either.
I have to say I believe it was all in the hands of a bigger power. I don't think he made her pregnant for us, but I do think he led our paths to each other. Our profile on that site was active until November of 2012 and we never got 1 other contact from it. It is also still active on several free sites and we have not made another contact from that either.
I look forward to posting more and hope you all like it.
Love
Melinda
Melinda
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Friday, February 8, 2013
Birthday weekend
We made it through little guys birthday and party weekend! It was busy and full of fun stuff but we survived. Thursday was Noah's birthday and it was a great day. We went to dinner with my parents, well just Noah and I did, Joe had to work, and then home to hang out. I had made plans with D to talk that night but things happen and sometimes like for everyone things do go as planned and I was worried we wouldn't get to talk, but we did! We had a great conservation and she is doing well. We talked about the day Noah was born and how much he has grown over the past year and how fast it went. It is like talking to family when we talk, I enjoy our conservations so much.
Saturday was Noah's party, he has such a great time. Some of our friends and family didn't get to come because we were hit with a snow storm that day, and we missed them alot it was better they didn't try to come since they all had very long drives. There was over 50 people there, all of who love Noah so much and have been there every step of the way with the adoption process and his life the past year. He did great with his smash cake, and I mean to the point he had to get a bath in the sink of the kitchen at the hall. But they are only 1 once and that was ok. He got tons of great presents and is loving playing with them all.
Sunday was just a kick back and relax day! It marked the 1 year mark of Noah being placed with us. It was a day I spent with mixed feelings. I knew from talking to her that it was going to be a hard day for D and she entered our thoughts alot that day. I wished so much I could be there to just give her a hug and spend even a hour with her. So she had sometime with Noah. I know that she doesn't regret her decision but I also know that it is hard.
Yesterday he has is 1 year check up! He is grow right on track, weighing in at 21 lbs 6 oz and is 31 inches long. The doctor said he are going to have a tall one on our hands. He is finally getting his top teeth, he has had the same 2 bottom teeth since September. One has broke the skin already and the other is right behind it. He also said the two beside those are going to be coming soon! I really hope so that way we can move on to real food for the kid. His two favorite things are peanut butter Cheerios and fruit chillers. You can't have either without having to share! He also loves trucks and my pizza tray. At some point in the evening every night he gets it out.
So all in all Noah's first birthday went off without to many problems and many tears for mommy!
Love
Melinda
Saturday was Noah's party, he has such a great time. Some of our friends and family didn't get to come because we were hit with a snow storm that day, and we missed them alot it was better they didn't try to come since they all had very long drives. There was over 50 people there, all of who love Noah so much and have been there every step of the way with the adoption process and his life the past year. He did great with his smash cake, and I mean to the point he had to get a bath in the sink of the kitchen at the hall. But they are only 1 once and that was ok. He got tons of great presents and is loving playing with them all.
Sunday was just a kick back and relax day! It marked the 1 year mark of Noah being placed with us. It was a day I spent with mixed feelings. I knew from talking to her that it was going to be a hard day for D and she entered our thoughts alot that day. I wished so much I could be there to just give her a hug and spend even a hour with her. So she had sometime with Noah. I know that she doesn't regret her decision but I also know that it is hard.
Yesterday he has is 1 year check up! He is grow right on track, weighing in at 21 lbs 6 oz and is 31 inches long. The doctor said he are going to have a tall one on our hands. He is finally getting his top teeth, he has had the same 2 bottom teeth since September. One has broke the skin already and the other is right behind it. He also said the two beside those are going to be coming soon! I really hope so that way we can move on to real food for the kid. His two favorite things are peanut butter Cheerios and fruit chillers. You can't have either without having to share! He also loves trucks and my pizza tray. At some point in the evening every night he gets it out.
So all in all Noah's first birthday went off without to many problems and many tears for mommy!
Love
Melinda
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