Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Our process

In the past few weeks I have really been wanting to become more active in the adoption community and blog world.  At first I was worried about people wanting to read what I write about.  Would they really care about it.  How will I find something amazing and earth moving to write about each time I write.  Then it hit me, I don't have to, I just need to write from the heart and how I am feeling and it will be amazing.  Or amazing to me at least, and I can say I gave it a good try if other people don't read it.
I'm not sure if I ever went into some of the intty gritty of our adoption process.  If you are reading this and have read it before, I am sorry, and if not here it is.
If you were to ask when our adoption journey started I would say in March of 2010, to give you a date.  But it started long before that, many years before that.  As a married couple we never had that we tried and tried and did this treatment and that treatment.  When Joe and I got married we knew, if we wanted children these are the options we have.  I never hid the fact I couldn’t have children of my own; from an illness I had as a child.  Don’t get me wrong it doesn’t make it any easier but we never had that crushing moment as a married couple that often breaks people.  So we had that in our favor when we started the process.
We did tons of research and talked to several agencies before deciding on the agency we wanted to use.  We filed out all our paper work, had our physicals done, checks done and completed our home study and was active with the agency in November of 2010.  We waited with hope and encouragement the first few months.  We had fundraisers to help us with the cost of everything and just took joy in knowing that our entire community and family were behind our decision.  As the months passed and our profile had only been shown 1 time in 9 months we were really upset and frustrated.  * We were presented with a few situations that were county situations and after the fact it was decided we lived to far away for the social worker to come for the visits.  They consider these as being presented, I do not * At this point we started networking on our own heavily.  We ran into a lot of road blocks with the agency over this and butted heads a lot.  (They told us to network but had restrictions on where and how we could do it, it was all very confusing and frustrating.)  I do have to say that even with us not being happy with the agency I know it is a personal view, we had some great social workers we came in contact with at this agency and I still have some contact with them.  We have made great friends we meet through the agency and other adoption avenues who love them.  The only thing I say is don't just do internet research on an agency talk to people too.  After we signed we heard so many mixed things.  You need to just go with your gut when you are picking an agency.  What is right for you may not be for others and that is ok.  I was listing our profile on fee websites to try to get some exposure.  One of the groups I had joined on-line had teamed up with a networking site and was running a special where you could list your profile on their site for $50.00  for a 1 year listing.  I thought this is not going to work but what the heck.  While I was working on getting the listing together with the IT people there, I had made contact with an agency in Chicago who had a situation we would be perfect for.  The baby was due in 5 days.  We sent our profile and were feeling confident with this.  We made the arrangements with our family started to get things together at work “just incase” and was waiting for the call.  We did get the call, but it wasn’t what we thought.  The birth mom went with a family who was closer because she wanted an open adoption that included visits.  I was done at that point I couldn’t go on.  I just didn't know how much let down I could take.  I just felt it was taking so long and we were hitting so many road blocks along the way.  Then 5 days after our profile went live with the networking site we were contacted by a birth mother. 
We set things up with a new agency, the one we were using did not have an office in that areas, and spent almost 3 months building a relationship with her.  We talked everyday several times a day via text messaging, phone calls and email. 
Then on January 28, 2012 we boarded a plane to Las Vegas to meet her and for the birth of her son.  On January 31, 2012 the most amazing little boy was born and I was blessed enough to have her let me be there to witness his birth!  I was instantly in love and so was Joe.  On February 3, 2012 she made the hardest decision a woman can make and chose to sign papers that turned that amazing little boy into our son and making us a family. 
I have to say I believe it was all in the hands of a bigger power.  I don't think he made her pregnant for us, but I do think he led our paths to each other.  Our profile on that site was active until November of 2012 and we never got 1 other contact from it.  It is also still active on several free sites and we have not made another contact from that either. 

I look forward to posting more and hope you all like it.


1 comment:

  1. Melinda,

    Happy Birthday to your precious son, Noah.

    What a beautiful story and thank you for sharing:-)
    Warmest regards,
    Carina Burns