Sunday, July 22, 2012

Eye opening

The past few weeks have been a big eye opener for me.  I have been spending time reading other blogs the people adopting have written and even blogs the birth mother's have written.  And all I can say is people can be mean!  First I must say we never torn Noah from his birth mother's arms.  in fact she sot us out, and contacted us first.  We spent several weeks talking and getting to know each other before we started to move forward with an agency.  We spent 3 months forming a relationship before Noah was born, so at any time she was able to change her mind.  At any time during the 3 days we were in the hospital she was able to say I don't want to do this.  As hard as it was during those the days and as much as I didn't know what I would do and what would happen if she did change her mind I made sure she was comfortable with us being there and that she got time with Noah.  I never wanted her to look back and feel she got pushed into something or didn't get time with Noah.  I will live with regrets about some of the things that happened while we there but that is something between she and I.  I don't agree understand some of the things she does now, but I can't control that.  I will always defend her when it comes to people saying mean things about her.  Because at the end of the day I don't know how she feels and where she is coming from.  Where I have lived with the pain of not being able to have a child and the heartache that went along with that, I don't think that is the same heartache she has.  I am also aware of the fact that on February 3, 2012 my heartache ended, and her's began.  That I lived with that heartache for 10 years she will live with it forever. 

On top of the blogs I have been lucky enough to read we were able to see a preview of an adoption show on Oxygen and it was nice to see the other side of things.  In contrast to an adoption show that was on a few weeks ago, that I feel was a pretty unfair telling of most birth mom, this was more true to things.  Most people think that "girls" that place for adoption are teenagers or on drugs or in jail.  Yes I am sure that is true to some point the reality of it is most are 20's and older, and most are not addicted to drug.  They are just at a place where they don't know how to raise a child or just are not equipment to have a child.  It takes a pretty big person to say that and make a decision to say good-bye.  Sometimes they get the pleasure of having a relationship with the child and the adoptive family.  Some don't get to or want to. 

I know this post is all over the place, and to be honest my thoughts and emotions are on the topic all the time.  I guess my point is, I don't understand people who need to make negative comments on posts about a topic that they may not be 100% educated on.  I am sure most people who are writing blogs would answer any questions someone may have or share their back story on the topic, and then if you still feel that a negative comment is due then that is fair.

I will NEVER be able to find the words to express how I feel about our son's birth mother.  She made me a mom, my husband a dad, my brother and uncle and gave my parents a gift that they would never had have without her, to see their daughter happy and have pure love come from her.  My family will forever be greatful to her for those things.  So all I am asking is for people to be kind and understanding about adoption.

Thanks for listening I just needed to get that off my chest.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Time goes so fast

Wow is it really July!  I just realized that it has been a month since I lasted posted, and I remember saying I was going to be better about it.  I guess easier said than done. 

The month of June was a busy one for us and I think that is how I lost track of time.  Plus the heat has been crazy that is drains every ounce of energy a person has.

Noah was baptised on Father's Day and things went well.  I do have to say that morning when we got to church and realized that it had been moved to the basement I was not happy but after a little pep talk from my mom I quickly realized it was not about where it took place but that it took place and that the people who have supported us and loved Noah were there.  We had been planing a surprise 60th birthday party for my dad for months for that day to being with so we were able to use Noah as a cover for it.  It worked perfect.  We were able to spent the day with our family and celebrate.

He is getting so big and I swear grows over night sometimes.  He also learns something new each day, which sort of makes me sad in some ways.  The other night when I was feeding him before bed I was just sitting watching him and realized that I don't remember him being a small tiny baby and that makes me so sad because it wasn't that long ago.  I remember sitting in the hospital in Las Vegas trying to memorize every detail of him not wanting to ever forget him.  At that moment it was because I didn't know if I would be able to call him my son.  But some how it has slipped away.  I went and looked at our pictures from then trying to bring it back.  The thing that makes me sad is when I look at the pictures it bring back the memory of the stress and worry of what was going on and what would happen.  Yes things worked out, amazingly but still it is hard to remember the good from then. 

We got the news we were waiting for the week after his baptism from Las Vegas, that the hearing had taken place and the unknown birth father's rights had been terminated.  So the only thing left is the last two home visits, one is scheduled for this Thursday and then finalization.  Noah has always been our son and there is no questions for anyone once you seen Noah with Joe and I that he loves us.  But it will be nice to have it legalized, because in most situations we don't really have alot of rights at this point. 

 Other than that we are just loving our time with Noah and watching him grow.   He learns something new each day, but I long for the days passed.  We waited so very long for him and he is growing so fast.