We are on our way to our nephews 2nd birthday party, just another Saturday evening right. Then the chime on my phone rights, it is D we have been talking with each other for a few days now. She found us on a website we listed our profile on, sort of a networking type thing as we wait with our agency. It is always exciting when you make contact with a mom that is thinking of making an adoption plan. But it is also like don’t get too excited because the other shoe is going to fall, it always does. We spend most of the evening texting and then I get “the” text, I want you and Joe to adopt my child. I fell in love with your profile. Small party on the inside right! I can hardly keep it in and Joe and I sneak away for a second so I can tell him. A million thought run through my mind, we have talked to other mom’s in the past but none that have ever said I want you to adopt my child. We leaving it that we are going to talk on the phone the following day. How am I ever going to sleep tonight!
I made it through the night, not much sleep but made it. We went to church and ran some errands before D is to call. Now the waiting! Well we waited almost all day but she did call. She is the most amazing woman. We spent 2 hours on the phone talking about everything. Why she wants to place her child for adoption, why she chose us, what we both see for a relationship for us all in the future. D herself is adopted and only wants an open adoption of calls and emails and pictures, she just wanted to be able to sit down in the future and explain things and answer questions that she was never able to ask since she had a closed adoption. When it is time to get off the phone I know this will be the true test of if she is sincere about making an adoption plan. I tell her we are signed with an agency and everything needs to be done with them. I feel my heart fall as I tell her this because I don’t want to hear what she has to say because I love her and then it happens, she said the words… Not a problem I think it is best for us both to have an agency involved. Here is my address and my mom’s phone number, talk to your social worker and find out who I need to call. And then it happens I lose it, this might be happening! I know we have a lot to work out still but this is good right!?
It has been a whirlwind week. We were in contact with our agency to see what we needed to do and who D needed to get in touch with at the local agency in her state. Only to find out that our agency does not have an office in that state at all, they will need to find an agency to transfer us to. Great we have been down along road so far and now we need to get used to another agency. We get the information on the new agency and what will happen, we can’t be reading this right can we, the fees are less than ½ of what we thought they would be. Now we will have the money for travel, this is working way to well, something is going to happen, and it always does.
We have a great conservation with the social worker at the new agency, she is the sweetest girl. She explains some things to us and what our options are and what they can do for D. The first piece of advice given to us by the social workers at both agencies, since we will still be working with our agency here in PA as well, tell us to pay for an assessment to be done with D. Just for the social workers to get a feel of things and get back round information we may not get on our own. Joe and I instantly agree that we want to do this. So the meeting is set up with D and the social worker for next Tuesday and we should have a report Thursday or Friday.
I don’t even know where to begin as I sit to write this, so many thought and emotions are running in my mind. We got the assessment emailed to us late last night from our PA social worker. I sit for a long time this morning before opening it. This is either going to say this is it or run, run as fast as you can in the other direction. I finally open it and read it I have to do it eventually right. So I read it and email our PA social worker some questions we have and we both agree there are a few things that are not overly clear and we need more information on it. So I make it through the work day with all this going on in my head counting down the minutes until I get home and call our other social worker. The great thing about this is they are several hours behind us in time so I can still call her today. Joe and I call and have a conference call with her. We talk and she answers all our questions and we talk a little and she gives us her advice on moving forward. I start to cry and can’t control it. I just break down, everything emotions from this entire process comes out. I don’t think our social worker really knows what to say, I can only hear her say are you ok? I can’t even get the words out, so Joe answers with tears yes we are ok, we have just been matched with D! I never thought this day would come. I know we have a long road ahead of us and there will been good days and bad days, but there are those in life in general for now today is a good day. We have been matched! D is due on February 4th with a boy!
The past few weeks have had many ups and downs. I don’t understand many of the decisions D makes and the things she does. It keeps me up many nights worrying about her, and I mean her not the baby. Joe and I have grown to care about her so much over the past few weeks. A friend who also adopted said she wishes she had more direct contact with her child’s birth mother and all I can say is no you don’t. Yes building a relationship with D at our pace and being able to call when we are thinking of her is great. We are building that trust with each other to know we will each do what we say we are going to do is great. But with that also comes knowing all her problems and being involved in every bad decision. It has caused so many night crying and not knowing what to do to help her. Our social worker from the state D lives in has been a God sent, I don’t know what we would do without her during this process. One of our social workers from our agency was here today to update some paper work we need to be legal in the adoption world. The state D lives in has different laws that ours so we had some updates we needed to do. She also had many encouraging words for us during this process. Right now we are going on prayer and hope that things will work out.
January 4, 1012
D is due in 1 month from today. With each passing day new thoughts and nerves enter my mind and body. With each passing doubt I try my best to breath and get on bended knee to God. I have to be honest I don’t think D will make it to her due date, and I hope for her she goes a little early. See D is a very small girl and the last picture we got at Christmas, she is very large. Every day we talk to her she is saying about how much her back and shoulders hurt her from the weight on her tummy.
Things have been so busy with getting our stuff ready to go and the babies stuff, and getting a hotel lined up and cars and stuff. Plus getting things taken care of at work, thank God I have great employers and they have been so so supportive of this.
I think the next few weeks might be the longest of my life, but I will just try to stay busy and not think about it…easier said than done right!
January 13, 2012
Well D had a doctor’s visit today. Things are looking good and moving along slowly. They are still working on trying to get things together for her to have a c section for Joe and me to be there for his birth. There are so many emotions with each passing day. I have really highs thinking this could be happening and then really lows thinking my heart will be broken. I keep telling my mom that God won’t let my heart get hurt again, and I really believe that, most of the time!
So my mom and I went for pedi’s tonight thinking this might be our last “girls” night for awhile. Plus to just get my mind off of things and pass the time. Just as we get into the chair my cell phone rings and I know the number is to Dena’s doctor’s office. This could be it….well it wasn’t, it was just the phone call to say that a c section has been scheduled for the 31st. Not even 5 minutes later D calls, she is so excited, you will get to meet your son soon. We talk for a few minutes and then I get to relaxing…ya right. It hits me all at once and I break down. Every thought, every emotion, every tear to this point hits me in the middle of a nail salon, great! They are all going to think I am crazy, or more than I am. My mom and I talk, so this is our last “girls” night. It is decided then that we will fly out on Sunday the 29th. We will get to finally meet D and spend Monday with her. This is really happening.
January 28, 2012
Well we are packed and ready to go, our plane leaves tomorrow at lunchtime. All the years and tears and hopes and everything has come to this. I hope we don’t travel all that way to be let down. I wonder what D will think of us, what our first meeting will be like. What if she decides she doesn’t like us? What if she sees him and decides she can’t do this. Will I still love her if she does do that? But surely God would not have brought this far for it not to happen. I have so many thought running through my mind at this point, thought I can’t put into words and thought I really just want to keep to myself. I know that to this point we have been very open about things but some of this story is going to be kept to us and maybe someday for our son.
Once we get back I will post with all the details of our trip.
Melinda and Joe