What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within. -
Ralph Waldo Emerson
There has been so many times I have thought about the strength other adoptive families have for doing what we are doing. NEVER have I included myself and Joe in that, and I don't know why not, we are doing the same thing they are, right? I think of the road I started to travel at the age of 12 to get where I am at took alot from within. I had to deal with things most girls my age didn't even know they had, and I am still dealing with it, having surgery as recent as last Friday for problems. I have spent alot of time praying to God, the past few months. I feel like my relationship with God has grown so much during this process. I have asked for signs when I need them and they have been shown to me. I have asked for strength and it has been given to me. I have cried so many tears and thought so many thought. I spend hours sitting in the nursery just thinking and spending quiet time. I have also been reading alot of other adoptive family blogs and realize that in so many ways our stories are the same, we are all just traveling this road at different times and speeds.
I believe there are flaws in the process, I believe there are things that can be done different, by all parties involved. I think some agencies are not good agencies, so are in it for the money only, as sad as that way seem and sound to you, but it is an EXPENSIVE, process. I think some agencies try to do the right things. I often wonder how these social worker do their jobs. In case you don't know this, adoptive mothers can be crazy, I know it is surprising, it surprised me too...lol. To us we are the only people they should care about. I think communications could be better but it is what it is.
No matter what strength I think lies within me, I can't find the words to say what I think lies within that birth mom, if she is 15 or 50, that has to be a decision and a choice that is like no other. You are making a choice to let another family, you know pretty much nothing about, take, love and keep your child for life. I feel I need to say this after reading some blogs and to address some something some people may be thinking. Birth moms have choices. No one is "ripping" her baby from her arms. In fact most of the cards are stacked for her. She is the one that gets to choose you, she gets to choose if she is going change her mind, she gets to take a month to make a decision and you can't do a thing about it. And in our state she gets to let you have that baby for 30 days and then come back. I don't mean to sound bitter about it because I am not. What I am bitter about is people who say things like that not knowing the real process. No body should be told a family member should die so you feel the pain of the birth mom, that is crazy. Yes I am sure that birth mom is in pain, a pain we as adoptive moms will never know. But we have pain to, the pain of not being able to do the one thing women should be able to do, have a child! That is a pain like no other too.
So after that....we are still waiting to hear the births moms decision. If it's not this one it will be another. God has a plan and that is what matters.
Thanks for listening to my rant..I just really need to get that off my chest.