Blessed

When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is brought in our life, or in the life of another

Hellen Keller

 

In the past year we have had a lot of “miracles” in our lives as we move along the road in our adoption.  I am always so amazed and taken back by the kindness of the people in our lives, if it be family, close friends, old and new, and people we simply don’t know.  Yesterday was no different!  We had an amazing turn out at our fundraiser and so much support from the people who love us and people, who really didn’t know us and might have just been there for the baskets, but that is ok; we hope our story and cause moved them as much as we were by them being there.  It also makes you realize that no matter what good or bad family is the best.  My parents are the best, they have done so much for us and yesterday was no exception, my dad made the most adorable wooden doll cradle, that some lucky little girl will be getting to play with, an amazing picture stand that my friend now has in her new home and all of this while pushing through his own pain, and being 5 days before major neck surgery, he is my hero!  My mom was just as amazing, helping me get baskets and get the word out and telling me to not worry about it when I cried that I didn’t think it was going to work, she is truly my best friend.  Also my brother who helped us as much as he could.  He is also just a few days away from surgery.  Keeping those two “down” was a struggle but they did well listening and helping in other ways.  My Aunt and Uncle worked their butts off selling tickets at the party and my Uncle made and donated an amazing wooden blanket chest for us to chance off.  My cousins who also helped!  Kelly your support has been amazing since you know what my heart is feeling right now.  Wendy, I told you last night what I had to say, so I hope there are no other words needed, because I can say them right now, I have nothing but I love you.  To a new friend who also gave us an amazing prize to chance off.  You have left footprints in our hearts that will never go away and I know that you will forever be a part of our adoption story and life.  If I am forgetting anyone I am so sorry just know we love you all.

After we got home last night and things settled down, I went upstairs to the nursery to just sit and think and reflect on the day.  It hit me that this baby, that we don’t know, has SO much love around it already.  The amount of love makes my heart overflow; I wish I could bottle it and send it to any birth mom that is considering us, so she could be assured of just how much her child will be loved.  The only thing I can do is pray to God that he lets her feel in her heart when she is thinking about it.  That she welcomes us as extended family and to allow us to share with her child the amazing family and friends we have.  I feel it in my hearts it is going to happen and when it does it is going to be so amazing.  Life is good and only going to get better!



 

Love to you all

Melinda and Joe

Lessons

So to say the past few weeks have been hard would be an under statement.  We had made contact with a birth mom and were emailing for 6 weeks or so and were really confident that we were going to get matched with her, only for it to fall through.  I spent a lot of time questioning some things and wondering about stuff.  At this point it doesn’t matter what the truth is or isn’t, it is what it is.  I will just be more aware the next time.  I want to first say I wish “E” all the best with her baby and the family she picked.  She is due any day now so please say a prayer for them all. The same week that happened, so many other things happened, things I guess I wasn’t ready to happen all at one time, and didn’t handle them all so well.

There have been many dark days for me in the past few weeks.  It sort of comes in waves for me.  I do really well for a while and handle it ok.  I have learned that as long as I am busy with other things and don’t think about it too much it is better.  So that leads into me having to find things to keep me busy.  Maybe now is a good time to go through all those boxes and things that sort of get forgotten and I mean  forgotten as I haven’t needed anything from them since we moved 3 years ago, so I am sure they are just taking up space boxes.  Getting things ready for when “the” call comes because when it does I think I might be too busy to be worrying about getting things in the nursery ready.  Because of right now most things are in bags with tags still on them. 

I have also realized, after much talking to me by my mother and husband, I think with my heart.  I jump at my first reaction.  Sometimes a good thing sometimes it’s not.  Over the past few weeks I don’t think it has so much been a good thing.  I have realized I may have some psycho tendencies.  Laugh if you want, but we all have them and admitting it is half the battle right?  So I am half way there right?  This is not an easy process by any means, and I think each person’s journey is different.  If you talk to a family that was matched pretty much right away, yes they had their stresses and struggles, but they are different than a family that may have been waiting for 2 years to be matched.  Or a family that was matched and then the mom decided she wanted to parent her child.  Everyone’s journey is different everyone’s feeling are different.  That being said, that doesn’t make any of them wrong.  It also doesn’t mean your journey is over once you get matched there are so many other things involved. 

I have taken a step back to really look at things and also look at myself.  I am really trying to become the person I want to be and when things are right in my life things will be right in so many other areas.  I have learned a lot about myself and still have a lot to learn.

 Melinda

Emotions

The past few weeks have been really hard on me in the emotions department of this journey.  I find it hard to write on this blog because there are alot of things we can't talk about.  When we get information on "situations" from our agency there are things that we are told that are very hard to digest and understand, but they are also things we can not talk about with others.  This has been hard for me, hard to say I have given you a real feel of what this journey is like, when I have not.  As I have said to Joe so many times the past few weeks I feel like my world is spinning out of control and anyone who knows me I HATE not having control.

It is hard not to get attached when you make contact with a birth mom who is a possible match.  You spend weeks getting to know someone and then they pick someone else and you never hear from them again, in a small way it seems like losing a friend and a baby all in one motion.  I feel like I need to guard my heart but I don't want to become "cold" to it all and not show what a caring person I am or how I am feeling.   So at this point it is a do we try to network on our own and have this happen again or just stick with the agency?  We are open to feed back and suggestions at this point.

This process stinks, it is hard, it is trying and so many other things people won't tell you.  You check your email like every 10 minutes, you keep your phone with you at all times.  Maybe I am different from other people but it has become my life not part of my life.  I need to get back to living my life I guess, or at least find a balance.  Joe and I have alot of thinking to do and alot of decisions to make and to what will happen from here.  So please pray for us that we follow the road that God is trying to guide us down.  He has big things planed for our lives and I hope we get to them the way he planed for us.

 

Melinda

Not much

has been going on since I last posted.  There has been a little activity with our profile at the agency.  A few weeks ago there was more activity in 2 days than in the past 8 months, needless to say it was a very stressful 2 days with very little sleep and alot of last minute decisions.  On a Tuesday afternoon we got a text message from our social worker to check our email.  There was an email about 3 different situations,  that is what they are called at the agency, and they wanted to know if we wanted to be considered.  After much thought and arguing and prayer, we had to say no to all 3 of them.  From time to time agencies get calls from county CYS agencies about children for adoption that is what all 3 of these were.  The down side was they were sibling groups and after alot of thought we decides would could not go from a family of 2 to a family of 4 overnight.  As much as it hurt me to say no, I also needed to look at being able to take care of the children they way we needed to.  Then when I emailed our social worker to tell her our decision she had another situation from the same county, the baby was due the next day!  We said yes to that one.  We found out last week the mom had the baby, a little boy.  There is alot of red tape involved and alot of monitoring from the county that will be needed and with our distance from the county it doesn't seem that it will work out for us.  We do ask that you pray for some friends of ours that we meet at some meetings through the agency.  They are being considered as well for the same situation, they live much closer to the county and if it can't work out for us who better than a family we have grown to love!!

We have also had a birth mom find us through some listings I placed on-line and we have been in regular contact with her.  I am not sure where this will lead and what will happen.  I do know that it has been an eye-opening thing and I have some personal struggles with some aspects of this.  This is something I need to deal with on my own and with God.  He knows what is in my heart and that is all that matters.  I pray that this mom finds peace with what she decides to do and what path she plans to take.  I can't imagine what the birth mom's go through to make this decision and this mom is trying to do it on her own with no help from an agency.  I think she worries about having some sort of contact with the adoptive family because she has 2 other children.  I am really trying to keep my heart guarded until she contacts our agency and we get the go ahead that we were chosen.  I will keep you updated as we go with it. 

So that is what is going on for now.  I promise I will try to be better and not wait so long in between updates!  Reading back through the post I guess not much isn't a good title..lol!

 

Melinda

News

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.        Psalm 18:2

So we got some news today from the Social worker about the family that was considering us.  The birth family has chosen a different family for their child.  For we shed tears of sorrow tonight as another family sheds tears of the greatest joy.  We know that this has been a very hard decision for this birth family since it has taken them a month to make it.  We pray for the birth family as they say good-bye and the adoptive family as they say hello.  We have peace with this for someday it will be us shedding tears of joy when God is ready for us too.

 

Love

Joe and Melinda

Thoughts...

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within. -

Ralph Waldo Emerson

There has been so many times I have thought about the strength other adoptive families have for doing what we are doing. NEVER have I included myself and Joe in that, and I don't know why not, we are doing the same thing they are, right?  I think of the road I started to travel at the age of 12 to get where I am at took alot from within.  I had to deal with things most girls my age didn't even know they had, and I am still dealing with it, having surgery as recent as last Friday for problems.  I have spent alot of time praying to God, the past few months.  I feel like my relationship with God has grown so much during this process.   I have asked for signs when I need them and they have been shown to me.  I have asked for strength and it has been given to me.  I have cried so many tears and thought so many thought.  I spend hours sitting in the nursery just thinking and spending quiet time.  I have also been reading alot of other adoptive family blogs and realize that in so many ways our stories are the same, we are all just traveling this road at different times and speeds.

I believe there are flaws in the process, I believe there are things that can be done different, by all parties involved.  I think some agencies are not good agencies, so are in it for the money only, as sad as that way seem and sound to you, but it is an EXPENSIVE, process.  I think some agencies try to do the right things.  I often wonder how these social worker do their jobs.  In case you don't know this, adoptive mothers can be crazy, I know it is surprising, it surprised me too...lol.  To us we are the only people they should care about. I think communications could be better but it is what it is.

No matter what strength I think lies within me, I can't find the words to say what I think lies within that birth mom, if she is 15 or 50, that has to be a decision and a choice that is like no other.  You are making a choice to let another family, you know pretty much nothing about, take, love and keep your child for life.  I feel I need to say this after reading some blogs and to address some something some people may be thinking.  Birth moms have choices.  No one is "ripping" her baby from her arms.  In fact most of the cards are stacked for her.  She is the one that gets to choose you, she gets to choose if she is going change her mind, she gets to take a month to make a decision and you can't do a thing about it.  And in our state she gets to let you have that baby for 30 days and then come back.  I don't mean to sound bitter about it because I am not.  What I am bitter about is people who say things like that not knowing the real process.   No body should be told a family member should die so you feel the pain of the birth mom, that is crazy.  Yes I am sure that birth mom is in pain, a pain we as adoptive moms will never know.  But we have pain to, the pain of not being able to do the one thing women should be able to do, have a child!  That is a pain like no other too.

So after that....we are still waiting to hear the births moms decision.  If it's not this one it will be another.  God has a plan and that is what matters. 

Thanks for listening to my rant..I just really need to get that off my chest.

Melinda

Funk

We have had alot going on the past few weeks that only a few people have known about.  A few weeks ago we found out that our profile was being looked at and we were being considered by a birth mom. We were excited, overwhelmed, scared, everything in one.  We didn't tell alot of people because if it didn't work out we didn't have alot of people to untell.  We waited by phone and email for information, any information. One week went by and we didn't hear anything, that rolled into the holiday with no word.  We were hoping to find something out last week and we did, about another possible match.  The baby was 2 weeks old at that point and the mom was looking for a family.  We were excited but had some concerns but were willing to think about it.  Less than 24 hours later we found out that the birth mom had decided to parent.  We pray for her and her son and wish her the best.  The very same day we heard that we also heard at this point the birth mom from the other situations has not contacted the agency in over a week.  I am so confused and don't know what to think.  I wonder is she ok, did something happen to her.  Is her baby ok.  We were also told that the mother had placed before and was hoping that family would adopt the child, for reason we don't know they were not able, so I wonder did she find them and work something out with them and not tell anyone?  I broke the number 1 rule I set when we started this, don't get attached when we are being considered.  I did not know how hard that would be to not.  The minute you get information you start to wonder what the baby will look like.  What kind of relationship you will have with the birth family, what the babies future will be like.  I know at this point that she can and may still contact the agency and things could still work out and they couldn't.

It's funny how people who are in the same place we are view things.  I was so sure we would get picked by the first family, it would go well.  No problems, we would bring home a perfect baby.  Then we have friends who have told us the fully expect to have this happen to them, they are prepared for it.  I guess I should have been to.  It's funny when I hear people say my arms ache to hold our child.  My arms don't ache, my heart does, to just love them, my eyes ache for the sight of them, my ears ache to hear the words mom and dad, my skin aches for their touch.  I know that it will all happen in God time and when the right family comes along everything will fall into place.  Until then, I am going to have good days and I am going to have bad days.  Some days I don't think about it and other days, like today, I can't stop thinking about it and hoping for it and praying for it.  I have cried so many tears on days like this one.  Out of frustrations, hurt and anger.  Out of not knowing what will happen.

I hope that things turn out amazing with this mom and in a few weeks I get to tell you I am a mom and if not it will happen.  In the mean time I am going to focus on living life and praying and planning our fundraiser because who knows maybe our birth mom is in Ohio, Florida or New York and the extra money will help us find her.

Thank you for all your love and prayers while we wait for Baby Oklamchak to find us.

 

Love

Melinda