The past few weeks have been really hard on me in the emotions department of this journey. I find it hard to write on this blog because there are alot of things we can't talk about. When we get information on "situations" from our agency there are things that we are told that are very hard to digest and understand, but they are also things we can not talk about with others. This has been hard for me, hard to say I have given you a real feel of what this journey is like, when I have not. As I have said to Joe so many times the past few weeks I feel like my world is spinning out of control and anyone who knows me I HATE not having control.
It is hard not to get attached when you make contact with a birth mom who is a possible match. You spend weeks getting to know someone and then they pick someone else and you never hear from them again, in a small way it seems like losing a friend and a baby all in one motion. I feel like I need to guard my heart but I don't want to become "cold" to it all and not show what a caring person I am or how I am feeling. So at this point it is a do we try to network on our own and have this happen again or just stick with the agency? We are open to feed back and suggestions at this point.
This process stinks, it is hard, it is trying and so many other things people won't tell you. You check your email like every 10 minutes, you keep your phone with you at all times. Maybe I am different from other people but it has become my life not part of my life. I need to get back to living my life I guess, or at least find a balance. Joe and I have alot of thinking to do and alot of decisions to make and to what will happen from here. So please pray for us that we follow the road that God is trying to guide us down. He has big things planed for our lives and I hope we get to them the way he planed for us.