Not much

has been going on since I last posted.  There has been a little activity with our profile at the agency.  A few weeks ago there was more activity in 2 days than in the past 8 months, needless to say it was a very stressful 2 days with very little sleep and alot of last minute decisions.  On a Tuesday afternoon we got a text message from our social worker to check our email.  There was an email about 3 different situations,  that is what they are called at the agency, and they wanted to know if we wanted to be considered.  After much thought and arguing and prayer, we had to say no to all 3 of them.  From time to time agencies get calls from county CYS agencies about children for adoption that is what all 3 of these were.  The down side was they were sibling groups and after alot of thought we decides would could not go from a family of 2 to a family of 4 overnight.  As much as it hurt me to say no, I also needed to look at being able to take care of the children they way we needed to.  Then when I emailed our social worker to tell her our decision she had another situation from the same county, the baby was due the next day!  We said yes to that one.  We found out last week the mom had the baby, a little boy.  There is alot of red tape involved and alot of monitoring from the county that will be needed and with our distance from the county it doesn't seem that it will work out for us.  We do ask that you pray for some friends of ours that we meet at some meetings through the agency.  They are being considered as well for the same situation, they live much closer to the county and if it can't work out for us who better than a family we have grown to love!!

We have also had a birth mom find us through some listings I placed on-line and we have been in regular contact with her.  I am not sure where this will lead and what will happen.  I do know that it has been an eye-opening thing and I have some personal struggles with some aspects of this.  This is something I need to deal with on my own and with God.  He knows what is in my heart and that is all that matters.  I pray that this mom finds peace with what she decides to do and what path she plans to take.  I can't imagine what the birth mom's go through to make this decision and this mom is trying to do it on her own with no help from an agency.  I think she worries about having some sort of contact with the adoptive family because she has 2 other children.  I am really trying to keep my heart guarded until she contacts our agency and we get the go ahead that we were chosen.  I will keep you updated as we go with it. 

So that is what is going on for now.  I promise I will try to be better and not wait so long in between updates!  Reading back through the post I guess not much isn't a good title..lol!

 

Melinda

News

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.        Psalm 18:2

So we got some news today from the Social worker about the family that was considering us.  The birth family has chosen a different family for their child.  For we shed tears of sorrow tonight as another family sheds tears of the greatest joy.  We know that this has been a very hard decision for this birth family since it has taken them a month to make it.  We pray for the birth family as they say good-bye and the adoptive family as they say hello.  We have peace with this for someday it will be us shedding tears of joy when God is ready for us too.

 

Love

Joe and Melinda

Thoughts...

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within. -

Ralph Waldo Emerson

There has been so many times I have thought about the strength other adoptive families have for doing what we are doing. NEVER have I included myself and Joe in that, and I don't know why not, we are doing the same thing they are, right?  I think of the road I started to travel at the age of 12 to get where I am at took alot from within.  I had to deal with things most girls my age didn't even know they had, and I am still dealing with it, having surgery as recent as last Friday for problems.  I have spent alot of time praying to God, the past few months.  I feel like my relationship with God has grown so much during this process.   I have asked for signs when I need them and they have been shown to me.  I have asked for strength and it has been given to me.  I have cried so many tears and thought so many thought.  I spend hours sitting in the nursery just thinking and spending quiet time.  I have also been reading alot of other adoptive family blogs and realize that in so many ways our stories are the same, we are all just traveling this road at different times and speeds.

I believe there are flaws in the process, I believe there are things that can be done different, by all parties involved.  I think some agencies are not good agencies, so are in it for the money only, as sad as that way seem and sound to you, but it is an EXPENSIVE, process.  I think some agencies try to do the right things.  I often wonder how these social worker do their jobs.  In case you don't know this, adoptive mothers can be crazy, I know it is surprising, it surprised me too...lol.  To us we are the only people they should care about. I think communications could be better but it is what it is.

No matter what strength I think lies within me, I can't find the words to say what I think lies within that birth mom, if she is 15 or 50, that has to be a decision and a choice that is like no other.  You are making a choice to let another family, you know pretty much nothing about, take, love and keep your child for life.  I feel I need to say this after reading some blogs and to address some something some people may be thinking.  Birth moms have choices.  No one is "ripping" her baby from her arms.  In fact most of the cards are stacked for her.  She is the one that gets to choose you, she gets to choose if she is going change her mind, she gets to take a month to make a decision and you can't do a thing about it.  And in our state she gets to let you have that baby for 30 days and then come back.  I don't mean to sound bitter about it because I am not.  What I am bitter about is people who say things like that not knowing the real process.   No body should be told a family member should die so you feel the pain of the birth mom, that is crazy.  Yes I am sure that birth mom is in pain, a pain we as adoptive moms will never know.  But we have pain to, the pain of not being able to do the one thing women should be able to do, have a child!  That is a pain like no other too.

So after that....we are still waiting to hear the births moms decision.  If it's not this one it will be another.  God has a plan and that is what matters. 

Thanks for listening to my rant..I just really need to get that off my chest.

Melinda

Funk

We have had alot going on the past few weeks that only a few people have known about.  A few weeks ago we found out that our profile was being looked at and we were being considered by a birth mom. We were excited, overwhelmed, scared, everything in one.  We didn't tell alot of people because if it didn't work out we didn't have alot of people to untell.  We waited by phone and email for information, any information. One week went by and we didn't hear anything, that rolled into the holiday with no word.  We were hoping to find something out last week and we did, about another possible match.  The baby was 2 weeks old at that point and the mom was looking for a family.  We were excited but had some concerns but were willing to think about it.  Less than 24 hours later we found out that the birth mom had decided to parent.  We pray for her and her son and wish her the best.  The very same day we heard that we also heard at this point the birth mom from the other situations has not contacted the agency in over a week.  I am so confused and don't know what to think.  I wonder is she ok, did something happen to her.  Is her baby ok.  We were also told that the mother had placed before and was hoping that family would adopt the child, for reason we don't know they were not able, so I wonder did she find them and work something out with them and not tell anyone?  I broke the number 1 rule I set when we started this, don't get attached when we are being considered.  I did not know how hard that would be to not.  The minute you get information you start to wonder what the baby will look like.  What kind of relationship you will have with the birth family, what the babies future will be like.  I know at this point that she can and may still contact the agency and things could still work out and they couldn't.

It's funny how people who are in the same place we are view things.  I was so sure we would get picked by the first family, it would go well.  No problems, we would bring home a perfect baby.  Then we have friends who have told us the fully expect to have this happen to them, they are prepared for it.  I guess I should have been to.  It's funny when I hear people say my arms ache to hold our child.  My arms don't ache, my heart does, to just love them, my eyes ache for the sight of them, my ears ache to hear the words mom and dad, my skin aches for their touch.  I know that it will all happen in God time and when the right family comes along everything will fall into place.  Until then, I am going to have good days and I am going to have bad days.  Some days I don't think about it and other days, like today, I can't stop thinking about it and hoping for it and praying for it.  I have cried so many tears on days like this one.  Out of frustrations, hurt and anger.  Out of not knowing what will happen.

I hope that things turn out amazing with this mom and in a few weeks I get to tell you I am a mom and if not it will happen.  In the mean time I am going to focus on living life and praying and planning our fundraiser because who knows maybe our birth mom is in Ohio, Florida or New York and the extra money will help us find her.

Thank you for all your love and prayers while we wait for Baby Oklamchak to find us.

 

Love

Melinda

 

 

Shopping

Today I got to spend the day with my mom shopping for baby stuff.  It was such a fun exciting day for me.  A day I never thought would happen for me.  I never thought the day would come that I would get to shop for MY baby.  Yes I know that we have not been placed yet but at the end of the day we do need to get ready for that phone call.

This is a big step for me.  I had put up such a wall  that I wouldn't allow myself to feel those type of things.  We had a nursery totally done and I couldn't even have the door open to it; was to hard to see.  It was full of heartache not hope and joy.  I wouldn't let myself think that this would ever happen for us.  That we would have the joy of a baby in the house and our lives.  Finally I realize it is going to happen and that we are going to have a family.  We are going to be happy.  Yes there will be problems and hard times but it will happen. 

I was able to get some great things to have for "that" phone call.  I got a great travel system on clearance at Toys R Us where I can get the bases for the other cars.  So I am able to get the system and 2 bases for the cost of 1 system we picked out.  Lots of other good stuff to have on hand for a few days at home and until we have a shower.

So now all we need is a baby!  I know that it will come in God's time.  he has had a plan for us from day 1 and it will happen when things are right and ready!  I have decided to take a few other "waiting" mom's and I am going to use that room as a prayer room and in time it will be blessed!

Please keeps us in your thought and prayers you just even know when that call will come.

Thanks so much!

Melinda

Party

I think this past week I have lost my mind and have taken on planning another fundraiser!  It has been 7 months of waiting as you all know from the last post, and we really want to be able to expand our search.  We know that God has a plan for us and a child hand-picked and he will help to lead us to that child, no matter where they may be. 

Last year when we planned to have a basket party so many times during the planning I thought I must be crazy to do this.  We were in the middle of our homestudy no less while doing that.  And being the "control freak" that I am, it was hard to put my faith and trust in people doing SO much to help us.  And that people would come and want to support us.  Like everyone you have those few memories that stand out in your mind forever.  I remember the day Joe and I got married, so many memories, like seeing him for the first time that day, finally being married, my dance with my dad.  One stands out for me, and there were no photos of it, and no one else there, it was just me sitting at the front of the room after eating and just taking everything in and thinking all these people are here to support us, love and celebrate with us.  That is the same feeling I had the day of our party last October as I looked out at over 200 people, alot of who I didn't know, that had come to support us.  It also taught me that you need to put your trust and faith in people, they will do what they say they will.

I pray that we have as many people reach out to help us this year again and as many people come to support us.  I can't find the words that will ever express how we feel about the things people have done to support us and help us reach our dream.  We pray for you everyday!

Last month Joe and I had to go to Pittsburgh for a class and stopped at a store to walk around for a little bit.  I found a bracelet with a charm on it that has "Dreams become reality one choice at a time."  I have worn that bracelet everyday since to remind myself that my choices will help me reach my dream of a child.  But I also know that we could not do that with out everyone's help too.

So to end I hope that we see you all there and if you would like to help please let me know.

 

Melinda

 

 

7 months

that is how long we have been on the “waiting” list to be matched and have placement.  To some that is not long at all, I mean a woman who gets pregnant on her own has to wait 9 months.  But she at least she knows, or has a pretty good idea, when the baby will come.  Not even close to the case for someone adopting.  For me I have known…well forever that I would never have a child of my own.  When you are twelve you know what that means but not exactly what would happen to you, mental and emotionally down the road.  So it feels like I have been waiting a lifetime for this.  Then I start to feel bad for feeling like I have waited to long, because some people would give anything to have the chance we have to adopt a child.  I think of some women having to spend a lifetime with that empty ache in the pit of her stomach and the ache in her heart.  And anyone who is going through this knows what I mean.  I had always told myself I am ok being the cool Aunt.  I can go where I want to, do what I want to when I want to.  My niece Aspyn was born, she was the light of my world, and I was right, this Aunt thing is great.  Then I got married and my nephew came along.  That was the moment; the moment reality hit me over the head with about 100 tons of bricks.  I spent a month crying and being mad, and not understanding.  Then I went into attack mode, what can I do for a baby!  IVF, no, foster care, no, adoption, maybe!!  That was the decision, adoption it would be.  So here we are, 7 months into the waiting.  I look at him now and think how, how could I be sad the 2nd most amazing person in my life was coming.  And trust me he is amazing.  It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't sad he was coming, I was sad that I thought I would never know that joy.

It’s hard to explain it and understand it, the waiting that is, or the feeling you have of sadness.  When your 3 year old niece asked, “Will the baby be here for my birthday?” I want to say “I thought he/she would be here for my birthday,” which was a month before.  Or when she gives you a hug and tells you, “Maybe the baby will be here next we come camping Aunt Mindy.”  The one that got me the most is when she said to my mom “I hope Aunt Mindy get’s a baby soon because she is sad sometimes.”  I want to say yes I am sad, so sad that some days all I want to do is cry, that the walls feel like they are closing in around me.  Then there are other days that I don’t think about it, I find joy in the little things.   Like her smile, the way she tells me she loves me more when I tell her I love you.  The way Mikey's eyes light up when he sees my dad.  And then I realize those moments, those are the moments I am doing all this for.  And as I am writing this I realize that those really aren't the small things but the best things, the most amazing things.

So when I say that each passing day of the 7 months feels like a year, now you know why.  Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait for my pot of gold, but unfortunately it hasn’t been all rainbows to get to it.

Melinda