The start of our story

November 5^th

We are on our way to our nephews 2^nd birthday party, just another Saturday evening right.  Then the chime on my phone rights, it is D we have been talking with each other for a few days now.  She found us on a website we listed our profile on, sort of a networking type thing as we wait with our agency.  It is always exciting when you make contact with a mom that is thinking of making an adoption plan.  But it is also like don’t get too excited because the other shoe is going to fall, it always does.  We spend most of the evening texting and then I get “the” text, I want you and Joe to adopt my child.  I fell in love with your profile.  Small party on the inside right!  I can hardly keep it in and Joe and I sneak away for a second so I can tell him.  A million thought run through my mind, we have talked to other mom’s in the past but none that have ever said I want you to adopt my child.  We leaving it that we are going to talk on the phone the following day.  How am I ever going to sleep tonight!

November 6^th

I made it through the night, not much sleep but made it.  We went to church and ran some errands before D is to call. Now the waiting!  Well we waited almost all day but she did call.  She is the most amazing woman.  We spent 2 hours on the phone talking about everything.  Why she wants to place her child for adoption, why she chose us, what we both see for a relationship for us all in the future.  D herself is adopted and only wants an open adoption of calls and emails and pictures, she just wanted to be able to sit down in the future and explain things and answer questions that she was never able to ask since she had a closed adoption.  When it is time to get off the phone I know this will be the true test of if she is sincere about making an adoption plan.  I tell her we are signed with an agency and everything needs to be done with them.  I feel my heart fall as I tell her this because I don’t want to hear what she has to say because I love her and then it happens, she said the words… Not a problem I think it is best for us both to have an agency involved.  Here is my address and my mom’s phone number, talk to your social worker and find out who I need to call.  And then it happens I lose it, this might be happening!  I know we have a lot to work out still but this is good right!?

 November 12^th

It has been a whirlwind week.  We were in contact with our agency to see what we needed to do and who D needed to get in touch with at the local agency in her state.  Only to find out that our agency does not have an office in that state at all, they will need to find an agency to transfer us to.  Great we have been down along road so far and now we need to get used to another agency.  We get the information on the new agency and what will happen, we can’t be reading this right can we, the fees are less than ½ of what we thought they would be.  Now we will have the money for travel, this is working way to well, something is going to happen, and it always does.

We have a great conservation with the social worker at the new agency, she is the sweetest girl.  She explains some things to us and what our options are and what they can do for D.  The first piece of advice given to us by the social workers at both agencies, since we will still be working with our agency here in PA as well, tell us to pay for an assessment to be done with D.  Just for the social workers to get a feel of things and get back round information we may not get on our own.  Joe and I instantly agree that we want to do this.  So the meeting is set up with D and the social worker for next Tuesday and we should have a report Thursday or Friday.

November 18^th

I don’t even know where to begin as I sit to write this, so many thought and emotions are running in my mind.  We got the assessment emailed to us late last night from our PA social worker.  I sit for a long time this morning before opening it.  This is either going to say this is it or run, run as fast as you can in the other direction.  I finally open it and read it I have to do it eventually right.  So I read it and email our PA social worker some questions we have and we both agree there are a few things that are not overly clear and we need more information on it.  So I make it through the work day with all this going on in my head counting down the minutes until I get home and call our other social worker.  The great thing about this is they are several hours behind us in time so I can still call her today.  Joe and I call and have a conference call with her.  We talk and she answers all our questions and we talk a little and she gives us her advice on moving forward.  I start to cry and can’t control it.  I just break down, everything emotions from this entire process comes out.  I don’t think our social worker really knows what to say, I can only hear her say are you ok?  I can’t even get the words out, so Joe answers with tears yes we are ok, we have just been matched with D!  I never thought this day would come.  I know we have a long road ahead of us and there will been good days and bad days, but there are those in life in general for now today is a good day.  We have been matched!  D is due on February 4^th with a boy! 

December 16^th

The past few weeks have had many ups and downs.  I don’t understand many of the decisions D makes and the things she does.  It keeps me up many nights worrying about her, and I mean her not the baby.  Joe and I have grown to care about her so much over the past few weeks.  A friend who also adopted said she wishes she had more direct contact with her child’s birth mother and all I can say is no you don’t.  Yes building a relationship with D at our pace and being able to call when we are thinking of her is great.  We are building that trust with each other to know we will each do what we say we are going to do is great.  But with that also comes knowing all her problems and being involved in every bad decision.  It has caused so many night crying and not knowing what to do to help her.  Our social worker from the state D lives in has been a God sent, I don’t know what we would do without her during this process.  One of our social workers from our agency was here today to update some paper work we need to be legal in the adoption world.  The state D lives in has different laws that ours so we had some updates we needed to do.  She also had many encouraging words for us during this process.  Right now we are going on prayer and hope that things will work out.

January 4, 1012

D is due in 1 month from today.  With each passing day new thoughts and nerves enter my mind and body.  With each passing doubt I try my best to breath and get on bended knee to God.  I have to be honest I don’t think D will make it to her due date, and I hope for her she goes a little early.  See D is a very small girl and the last picture we got at Christmas, she is very large.  Every day we talk to her she is saying about how much her back and shoulders hurt her from the weight on her tummy. 

Things have been so busy with getting our stuff ready to go and the babies stuff, and getting a hotel lined up and cars and stuff.  Plus getting things taken care of at work, thank God I have great employers and they have been so so supportive of this. 

I think the next few weeks might be the longest of my life, but I will just try to stay busy and not think about it…easier said than done right!

January 13, 2012

Well D had a doctor’s visit today.  Things are looking good and moving along slowly.  They are still working on trying to get things together for her to have a c section for Joe and me to be there for his birth.  There are so many emotions with each passing day.  I have really highs thinking this could be happening and then really lows thinking my heart will be broken.  I keep telling my mom that God won’t let my heart get hurt again, and I really believe that, most of the time!

January 17^th

So my mom and I went for pedi’s tonight thinking this might be our last “girls” night for awhile.  Plus to just get my mind off of things and pass the time.  Just as we get into the chair my cell phone rings and I know the number is to Dena’s doctor’s office.  This could be it….well it wasn’t, it was just the phone call to say that a c section has been scheduled for the 31^st.  Not even 5 minutes later D calls, she is so excited, you will get to meet your son soon.  We talk for a few minutes and then I get to relaxing…ya right.  It hits me all at once and I break down.  Every thought, every emotion, every tear to this point hits me in the middle of a nail salon, great!  They are all going to think I am crazy, or more than I am.  My mom and I talk, so this is our last “girls” night.  It is decided then that we will fly out on Sunday the 29^th.  We will get to finally meet D and spend Monday with her.  This is really happening.

January 28, 2012

Well we are packed and ready to go, our plane leaves tomorrow at lunchtime.  All the years and tears and hopes and everything has come to this.  I hope we don’t travel all that way to be let down.  I wonder what D will think of us, what our first meeting will be like.  What if she decides she doesn’t like us?  What if she sees him and decides she can’t do this.  Will I still love her if she does do that?  But surely God would not have brought this far for it not to happen.  I have so many thought running through my mind at this point, thought I can’t put into words and thought I really just want to keep to myself.  I know that to this point we have been very open about things but some of this story is going to be kept to us and maybe someday for our son. 

Once we get back I will post with all the details of our trip.

Love,

Melinda and Joe

We have a SON

I know it might come as a shock to most of you and I promise I will take the time to give a better update this weekend.  We have been blessed with alot of family and friends visiting the past few days since we got home.

Noah George was born in Las Vegas on January 31,2012 at 7:36 pm.  He weighted 8 lbs. 6 oz. and was 19 inches long. 

Thank you for all your love and support it has never gone unnoticed by us.

Like I said I promise that I will post the entire story this weekend.

Love

Melinda, Joe and Noah

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Merry Christmas

I just wanted to take a moment to say Merry Christmas to everyone.  It is so easy to forget the true meaning of the holiday during this time and I am just as guilty as the next.  Count your blessing this year and take time to thank God for them.  Yes you many not have had some of your prayers answered but know that God may have been busy answering a bigger prayer for you that you do not realize, or that he was working on the one you do have in his own time.

Many blessings to you and your family for the up coming year!

 

Love

Melinda and Joe

 



 

 

 

End of the year

As the year comes to an end and the holidays approach it is always hard to slow down and take time to think about the things that have happened over the past 12 months.  I just like everyone else never take the time to stop and “smell the roses.”  This year I feel like I need to.

This past year has been full of so many ups and downs.  Good times and bad, happy and sad.  We started the year out with so much hope for our adoption.  With every passing holiday we sat and thought will this be our last New Years as a family of two, then our birthdays and Easter and Memorial Day, our Anniversary.  By the time July had come around it was like oh no not another holiday.  Each passing one brought sadness and dread not happiness and joy. 

But I need to realize that the adoption was not the only thing going on in my life.  My father had not 1 but 2 health scares this year and 3 surgeries and by the grace of God he is cancer free and bouncing back from neck surgery.  My mom has been my biggest supporter and shoulder to cry on.  My relationship that had not been so great with a family member who was my best friend growing up is back and I am loving every second of it.  I celebrated the birthdays of 2 nieces and a nephew who are all over excited at the idea of a cousin. 

We had an amazing fundraiser for our adoption that always makes me emotional when I think about the love and support of so many people in our lives.  Those we know and love and those we don’t know so well but came to support us anyway.  To have our family and friends to work so hard to help us reach our dreams means more than any one knows.

During this all the one relationship that has gained the most is my relationship with God.  Maybe he had me travel the road I have over the past year so I would be walking one step closer to him and trust in him and his plan.  God knows my heart and he won’t let me get hurt any more than he thinks I can take.  He has also shown me it is ok to keep any news close to my heart until I am ready to share it and people will understand if I don't if they find out that we know something and didn't tell.  Emotions run very high for all parties involved in adoption and things are forever changing, day to day and minute to minute.  It is also our decision as to what type of adoption we want to have and that is ok too.

So as this year comes to an end I find myself still being hopeful about the entire adoption process but cautious about it too.  I am going to celebrate Christmas this year with a new light in my heart and hope too.  Hope that next year will find my family well, my friends well and life being better than every.  I will wake up Christmas morning not worrying that we don’t have a baby yet but that my family is together and doing well, but hoping is silence that maybe just maybe this might be the last Christmas with 8 people at my parents and just Joe and I at our house.  That maybe my nieces birthday present this year will be the baby she asks about every time I see her.  I am just going to trust that is all going to be ok, I have no other option but to do that.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

Love

Melinda

365 days....

That is how many days on Sunday it will be since we were home study approved.  For those of you who don’t know the adoption process there is paper work, more paper work, interviews, back round checks, references, and having your home checked for them to determine if you are fit people to parent and if your home is fit.  Sort of funny if you think about all the people who have children and you have thought wow how is that possible.  And I don’t care what you say you have all thought that at 1 time or another in your life, I mean we all shop at Wal-Mart!  A little intrusive, yes, to me a little over kill, yes, a lot of money, God yes!  But I have nothing to hide and I know I will be a good mom, not saying a perfect mom but a good mom! 

 I have been really torn as to how much to share in what is going on and what not to share.  Do I write every time we make contact with a birth mom, do I write every time we get shown to a birth mom?  I mean yes I want to yell it from the roof tops each time it happens, for a couple of reasons.  First from pure excitement and second the more prayers the better right?  Plus I want to share it with everyone who has been so supportive and pray for us everyday.  But it is also very emotional for us if we tell people every time because when you see them again and they ask you and it didn’t have the turn out you wanted it brings all the emotions up again.  I know people aren’t asking to be mean, they are asking because they really care.  But there are parts of this journey that will be private and hard to deal with for us, so if you don’t hear anything that does not mean there is nothing happening, there in fact could be great things happening, we are just choosing to get a handle on them for ourselves first.  Have our time to pretty much grieve for the child that was not to be or to wrap our minds around the fact that some mom felt we would be great parents to her child.  To lay the foundation of a trusting and loving relationship with her for the years to come as we move through open adoption.  There have been many times over the past year I have wanted to throw my hands up and say I am done, I can’t to this to myself anymore, but then I rethink and know I can.  God choose us because he knew we could walk the road and handle it.  At the end things are going to be so amazing when it happens if it’s in 9 days, 90 days or 9 months.  I know it is going to be amazing because I have seen it with our friends and “fellow” blogger who had been placed and have “their” baby at home.

So please keep praying for us and know that as soon as we feel ready to share any big news you will all be the first to know.

Love

Melinda

Blessed

When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is brought in our life, or in the life of another

Hellen Keller

 

In the past year we have had a lot of “miracles” in our lives as we move along the road in our adoption.  I am always so amazed and taken back by the kindness of the people in our lives, if it be family, close friends, old and new, and people we simply don’t know.  Yesterday was no different!  We had an amazing turn out at our fundraiser and so much support from the people who love us and people, who really didn’t know us and might have just been there for the baskets, but that is ok; we hope our story and cause moved them as much as we were by them being there.  It also makes you realize that no matter what good or bad family is the best.  My parents are the best, they have done so much for us and yesterday was no exception, my dad made the most adorable wooden doll cradle, that some lucky little girl will be getting to play with, an amazing picture stand that my friend now has in her new home and all of this while pushing through his own pain, and being 5 days before major neck surgery, he is my hero!  My mom was just as amazing, helping me get baskets and get the word out and telling me to not worry about it when I cried that I didn’t think it was going to work, she is truly my best friend.  Also my brother who helped us as much as he could.  He is also just a few days away from surgery.  Keeping those two “down” was a struggle but they did well listening and helping in other ways.  My Aunt and Uncle worked their butts off selling tickets at the party and my Uncle made and donated an amazing wooden blanket chest for us to chance off.  My cousins who also helped!  Kelly your support has been amazing since you know what my heart is feeling right now.  Wendy, I told you last night what I had to say, so I hope there are no other words needed, because I can say them right now, I have nothing but I love you.  To a new friend who also gave us an amazing prize to chance off.  You have left footprints in our hearts that will never go away and I know that you will forever be a part of our adoption story and life.  If I am forgetting anyone I am so sorry just know we love you all.

After we got home last night and things settled down, I went upstairs to the nursery to just sit and think and reflect on the day.  It hit me that this baby, that we don’t know, has SO much love around it already.  The amount of love makes my heart overflow; I wish I could bottle it and send it to any birth mom that is considering us, so she could be assured of just how much her child will be loved.  The only thing I can do is pray to God that he lets her feel in her heart when she is thinking about it.  That she welcomes us as extended family and to allow us to share with her child the amazing family and friends we have.  I feel it in my hearts it is going to happen and when it does it is going to be so amazing.  Life is good and only going to get better!



 

Love to you all

Melinda and Joe

Lessons

So to say the past few weeks have been hard would be an under statement.  We had made contact with a birth mom and were emailing for 6 weeks or so and were really confident that we were going to get matched with her, only for it to fall through.  I spent a lot of time questioning some things and wondering about stuff.  At this point it doesn’t matter what the truth is or isn’t, it is what it is.  I will just be more aware the next time.  I want to first say I wish “E” all the best with her baby and the family she picked.  She is due any day now so please say a prayer for them all. The same week that happened, so many other things happened, things I guess I wasn’t ready to happen all at one time, and didn’t handle them all so well.

There have been many dark days for me in the past few weeks.  It sort of comes in waves for me.  I do really well for a while and handle it ok.  I have learned that as long as I am busy with other things and don’t think about it too much it is better.  So that leads into me having to find things to keep me busy.  Maybe now is a good time to go through all those boxes and things that sort of get forgotten and I mean  forgotten as I haven’t needed anything from them since we moved 3 years ago, so I am sure they are just taking up space boxes.  Getting things ready for when “the” call comes because when it does I think I might be too busy to be worrying about getting things in the nursery ready.  Because of right now most things are in bags with tags still on them. 

I have also realized, after much talking to me by my mother and husband, I think with my heart.  I jump at my first reaction.  Sometimes a good thing sometimes it’s not.  Over the past few weeks I don’t think it has so much been a good thing.  I have realized I may have some psycho tendencies.  Laugh if you want, but we all have them and admitting it is half the battle right?  So I am half way there right?  This is not an easy process by any means, and I think each person’s journey is different.  If you talk to a family that was matched pretty much right away, yes they had their stresses and struggles, but they are different than a family that may have been waiting for 2 years to be matched.  Or a family that was matched and then the mom decided she wanted to parent her child.  Everyone’s journey is different everyone’s feeling are different.  That being said, that doesn’t make any of them wrong.  It also doesn’t mean your journey is over once you get matched there are so many other things involved. 

I have taken a step back to really look at things and also look at myself.  I am really trying to become the person I want to be and when things are right in my life things will be right in so many other areas.  I have learned a lot about myself and still have a lot to learn.

 Melinda