As the year comes to an end and the holidays approach it is always hard to slow down and take time to think about the things that have happened over the past 12 months. I just like everyone else never take the time to stop and “smell the roses.” This year I feel like I need to.
This past year has been full of so many ups and downs. Good times and bad, happy and sad. We started the year out with so much hope for our adoption. With every passing holiday we sat and thought will this be our last New Years as a family of two, then our birthdays and Easter and Memorial Day, our Anniversary. By the time July had come around it was like oh no not another holiday. Each passing one brought sadness and dread not happiness and joy.
But I need to realize that the adoption was not the only thing going on in my life. My father had not 1 but 2 health scares this year and 3 surgeries and by the grace of God he is cancer free and bouncing back from neck surgery. My mom has been my biggest supporter and shoulder to cry on. My relationship that had not been so great with a family member who was my best friend growing up is back and I am loving every second of it. I celebrated the birthdays of 2 nieces and a nephew who are all over excited at the idea of a cousin.
We had an amazing fundraiser for our adoption that always makes me emotional when I think about the love and support of so many people in our lives. Those we know and love and those we don’t know so well but came to support us anyway. To have our family and friends to work so hard to help us reach our dreams means more than any one knows.
During this all the one relationship that has gained the most is my relationship with God. Maybe he had me travel the road I have over the past year so I would be walking one step closer to him and trust in him and his plan. God knows my heart and he won’t let me get hurt any more than he thinks I can take. He has also shown me it is ok to keep any news close to my heart until I am ready to share it and people will understand if I don't if they find out that we know something and didn't tell. Emotions run very high for all parties involved in adoption and things are forever changing, day to day and minute to minute. It is also our decision as to what type of adoption we want to have and that is ok too.
So as this year comes to an end I find myself still being hopeful about the entire adoption process but cautious about it too. I am going to celebrate Christmas this year with a new light in my heart and hope too. Hope that next year will find my family well, my friends well and life being better than every. I will wake up Christmas morning not worrying that we don’t have a baby yet but that my family is together and doing well, but hoping is silence that maybe just maybe this might be the last Christmas with 8 people at my parents and just Joe and I at our house. That maybe my nieces birthday present this year will be the baby she asks about every time I see her. I am just going to trust that is all going to be ok, I have no other option but to do that.
I wish you all a Merry Christmas!