Music...

I love music, I always have and always will.  It can bring about joy, sadness, bring back a good memory.  Remind you of your first dance at school, your first love and break-up.  If can remind you of your first dance as husband and wife.  It gets you through the sad times and the happy times. Below are a few songs that I wanted to share with my fellow bloggers waiting to adopt, who have adopted, or even anyone who likes music.

This song was one someone sent to me when we first started the process.  I would cry and cry when I would listen to it because it is like someone was in my head and wrote my thoughts down and made a song.  I still love listening to it.

This song was out once Noah was born.  I just remember thinking how true the lyrics were.  It was like I had loved him for eternity before he came and I will after he came.  It came me strength when we were waiting on paperwork to be signed and his adoption to be finalized.  I would sing it to him at bed time and I still do.

I saw this song on a fellow bloggers page last night and thought WOW!  This is am amazing song about faith and adoption.  I really can't find the words right now on how I feel about it but I needed to share it.

 

Enjoy

Love

Melinda

I'm a Christian

Have you every done something and after you do it you think man that was the wrong way to handle that. I can sit here and say I make mistakes.  I can say I sometimes make things that are not about me about me and not realize it.  I can also say I sometimes need a swift kick in the butt from my  mom to see that!  I am also a Christian and sometimes that swift kick is also from God!
I realized not hearing from "D" on a regular basic is not about ME.  As my mother put it I need to put myself in the position of placing Noah for adoption now, having loved him and nurtured him for the past 11 months.  Then having contact with that family and hearing how great he is doing and how happy they are.  Not every really getting to see him, hold him, kiss him; just getting pictures and letters.  Only getting to see him crawl for the first time, walk for the first time even talk for the first time on a video on my computer. You know be a part of his life but yet not really!  Not knowing where you fit into his life and his families life.  No matter how right I feel the decision is/was wouldn't make it any easier.  I need to remember she is a human and we hurt especially when we make really hard decisions right or wrong they hurt sometimes.
We finally talked to "D" on the phone last night after several text message before hand.  We spoke for a hour and a half.  We talked about alot of things.  Where she is at mentally with things with the adoption and many other things.  Until last evening I didn't realize how little she thought of her ability to do things.  I also thought she resented Joe and I and that is why she didn't stay in touch.  Where in fact she said it is hard because she is envious of us.  That we get to hold him each day, and love him.  And she has tried everything, she has tried to just erase us all from her mind by not thinking about us, ignoring our text messages, removing the pictures I send her everything and it didn't work.  So she tries to be in touch and texting and calling and having pictures of us all out and that is hard to.  So right now we all just need to work on finding a happy medium and figuring out what works for us all.  And the biggest thing we need to remember is it is going to be ever changing.  And we can't take it personal when it does, but the biggest thing is we need to talk and tell the other how we are feeling and listen to them.  I know I have said it a million times that people don't get why I care and want to work on things with her, but look at my son!  That alone should be enough to understand but if it's not I made a commitment to her, to myself and my son. 
That leads me to my next point.  The problems not being able to listen and give people your time to listen to where they are coming from with things.  There is always two sides to a story and a situation.  As I said before I make mistakes, I am wrong, I don't think I am this big amazing person for being able to say that I make mistakes but I do think it makes me a good person to be able to do that.  I don't make up lies about things to make me look better.  I always try to listen when someone is telling me how they feel, or their side of the story.  I don't just say I don't want involved even though I already am.  I try not to turn a blind eye when I realize that maybe things are a little worse than I thought and that I many have hurt someone close to me, not continue to ignore it and then play the victim when it does come to a head.  Part of being a Christian is being able to see your own faults too, and not just other people's, and say I will pray for them. Sometimes you need to pray for clarity for yourself too.  I have done that many times in my life and there are times that I realized that I was wrong and fixed things and there were times that I realized that what I had done to that point was what was best for me and not looked back. 
I am a lot of things but most of all I am a daughter, wife, friend, mother and I am a Christian!  I am proud of all those things, and I am every changing in all of those matters.

Love
Melinda

Enough said

Thoughts....

The past few weeks have been so busy and crazy with the holidays and sickness in our household.  There has also been alot of down time at home with a sick baby and I have never been a good sit still person.  My mind runs when I sit still I don't know why that is.  I have been spending alot of time thinking about how so many things have changed in a year.  This time last year we were getting the last stuff we needed for the baby and had our bags packed to leave as soon as we got a call.  We were keeping a big secret from alot of people because I couldn't bear the thought of what it would do to my heart if something happened and we came home without a baby. 
I can't walk past the nail place in the mall without getting a little chocked up remembering the call we got when my mom and I were there.  We had gone to enjoy our last girls evening before we had to leave for Vegas.  It was there I got the call with the date "D" was going to be induced.  And her telling me yes I want you guys here when he is born!  We were so worried we wouldn't be there for the first few days of his life.  I cried and cried and cried, I know those people in there thought I was crazy.  That will be a year ago next week!
I am sure it is on my mind alot more as we plan his 1st Birthday party, 1 already!  I will be thinking this is what I was doing this time last year and this is what I was doing this day.  It all feels like it was just yesterday and the emotions are still so raw and I wonder it that will ever change.  I mean I am sure it does and will fade with time.  I couldn't even throw my planner from last year away because it had the dates of her doctors appointments marked in it, the day our flights left, Noah's doctor's visits everything.  I kept it and put it in the box we have for him.  I don't know if he willl want it for anything but I feel I need to keep it for a bit. 
Sorry for the post being all over the place that is sort of where my thoughts are today and the past few weeks.  Maybe it is the reality that my baby is growing up or the fact we are no where in our relationship with "D" that we thought we would be at this point.  I just don't know.  I just really don't know.

Thanks for listening

Love
Melinda

Happy Holidays...late

I am finally getting to post....I hope.  I am so behind because we had been taken over with sickness in our home and then Internet problems.  I pray we have both under control.
November started out with Noah and I both have extremely bad colds.  The 2nd week of November my parents had Noah at the doctor's with Croup.  I also had a bad chest cold called death I think...lol!  Then the Saturday after Thanksgiving I had him back at the doctor with a double ear infection.  We seemed to get that cleared up and then the week before Christmas he and I both had the stomach flu, and he was at the doctor the Thursday before Christmas we had him back there with another ear infection.  Only to get a call from my mom on New Year's Eve telling me she thought he had chicken pox.  We went to the doctor to find out it was an allergic reaction to the meds for the ear infections.  I would love to say I am not sad to see 2012 go and start 2013 on a better foot but that would be a complete lie.  2012 was the best year of my life and I hate to see it go even with it ending the way it did.
One thing that sticks out in my mind is during the holiday season I was out shopping with Noah one evening and was rushing because I was holding a gentleman up from getting into his car.  I remember saying I am so sorry, simple things aren't so simple anymore, and laughed.  He smiled and said no problem and they never will be again but I bet life wasn't near as grand before.  I smiled and said your right.  That will always stick with me because he will never know how true those words were.  How I wasn't living until last January.
Christmas was amazing.  I would love to say it was picture perfect but it wasn't but that doesn't matter.  In the end our family all finally were under one roof at around 8 on Christmas Eve after Joe and my brother both got home from work. 
I would also love to say we heard from "D" and were able to exchange Christmas greetings but we didn't.  In fact we haven't heard from her in weeks, even after several attempts to be in touch.  I almost feel guilty in a way saying this but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be not hearing from her.  Maybe it is from the months leading up to it where we wouldn't hear from her for weeks at a time.  I in no way want to come across as I don't care for her, I do and always will.  Maybe she will be like that relative you care about but don't see and talk to.  I don't know where things will go from here, I really don't.  Her parents did send Noah and Joe and I some really nice Christmas gifts and we were in touch with them.  We sent them some gifts as well.  I will say over the past 11 months our relationship with Noah's birth grandparents has really evolved.  It is nice, we don't have to talk each and everyday but it is nice when we do talk every few weeks.  It's nice to know they want to be involved but still respect my parents and worry about crossing any bounds with everyone.  Not that they in any way would do that. 
Those were our holidays.  I haven't downloaded any pictures yet to attach so once I do maybe I will do just a photo post.

Love
Melinda

Christmas Program

Noah's daycare had a Christmas program this past week.  Here are a few pictures from it.  It has been so busy getting ready for the holidays and Noah and I are both sick again.

Enjoy the pictures. 

Have a Very Merry Christmas.

10 months

Sorry this is a little late, but it has been a crazy week or so.  Last week was a hard week for me, my parents had to put our their dog to sleep last Monday.  Cody was the best dog in the world and it was very unexpected for us all.  Unless you are a pet owner you would never understand that they are a part of your family not just a pet, and what an empty space is left in your heart once they are gone.

Noah has been growing and learning so much.  He loves daycare and the kids there and they even recognize him when were are out and about.  His favorite word is dada and loves to shake his head no, no, no!  He only will say mama when he is sick or I am not around, he knows it drives me crazy...lol!  We are a non napper on most days for mommy and daddy, but at daycare sleeps for hours.  He has started clapping for himself and waved this morning to us.  He is super speed crawler and is standing and pulling himself up on everything and wants to walk; you can see it in his face but he just can't yet.  He knows exactly when he is not aloud to be doing something because he will stop and look at you to make sure you see him before he does it.  We now have to block off the steps because the other day he was up the first 4 before I knew he had left the room.  So when they say you need eyes in the back of your head that is so true. 
Time is going by so fast and it hard to believe that he will be 1 in like 6 weeks.  We started to plan his birthday party this weekend and that makes me sad, but excited at the same time.  It is so great to see what an amazing little guy he is becoming.  Sometimes I miss the days of the little tiny baby he once was and would love to go back in time even for a day, sometimes I feel like we missed out on a little with the stress of the adoption process.  And others I know it is just a normal part of life. 

Joe and I are looking forward to our first Christmas as a family of 3 this year and not just wondering when it would happen, or like last year being excited and getting ready to be a family of 3.  Some how we I bought way to much for him, ok well I guess you can never got a child to much but you know what I mean.  I can't wait until Christmas morning.

Here are a few new pictures of Noah!

Love,
Melinda