Sunday, January 6, 2013


The past few weeks have been so busy and crazy with the holidays and sickness in our household.  There has also been alot of down time at home with a sick baby and I have never been a good sit still person.  My mind runs when I sit still I don't know why that is.  I have been spending alot of time thinking about how so many things have changed in a year.  This time last year we were getting the last stuff we needed for the baby and had our bags packed to leave as soon as we got a call.  We were keeping a big secret from alot of people because I couldn't bear the thought of what it would do to my heart if something happened and we came home without a baby. 
I can't walk past the nail place in the mall without getting a little chocked up remembering the call we got when my mom and I were there.  We had gone to enjoy our last girls evening before we had to leave for Vegas.  It was there I got the call with the date "D" was going to be induced.  And her telling me yes I want you guys here when he is born!  We were so worried we wouldn't be there for the first few days of his life.  I cried and cried and cried, I know those people in there thought I was crazy.  That will be a year ago next week!
I am sure it is on my mind alot more as we plan his 1st Birthday party, 1 already!  I will be thinking this is what I was doing this time last year and this is what I was doing this day.  It all feels like it was just yesterday and the emotions are still so raw and I wonder it that will ever change.  I mean I am sure it does and will fade with time.  I couldn't even throw my planner from last year away because it had the dates of her doctors appointments marked in it, the day our flights left, Noah's doctor's visits everything.  I kept it and put it in the box we have for him.  I don't know if he willl want it for anything but I feel I need to keep it for a bit. 
Sorry for the post being all over the place that is sort of where my thoughts are today and the past few weeks.  Maybe it is the reality that my baby is growing up or the fact we are no where in our relationship with "D" that we thought we would be at this point.  I just don't know.  I just really don't know.

Thanks for listening


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