It is so beyond believable that it will be 1 year tomorrow that Joe, my mother and I were boarding a plane headed to Las Vegas and the unknown. As we visited a few of our family members who knew before we left it was very surreal. On the Friday before we left we had dinner with my cousin and her husband to be able to say good-bye and calm my nerves. Our last night at home I sat in the nursery just rocking in the chair and thinking and wondering and praying. I cried tears of happiness, sadness and just out of fear. I had always been the type A personality who needed to be in control and have a plan know what was going on. For one of the first times in my life I had no control and didn't know what was going to happen and how things were going to turn out. However I did know that no matter what that then person leaving would not be the same person coming back. I was either going to come back a person who believed in miracles, a person who trusted, a mother. Or I was going to come back as...well I don't know but I knew it was never going to be the same. I knew I would be crushed. But we all know how it turned out!!! I have the most amazing little person in my life who calls me mama!
Life is much different...in a great amazing way! When I imagined being a mom it was with bows and frills and dresses. Pinks and purples and castles and dolls. Not trucks and dirt, and suits and ties. But I am proud to say I can make the best dang motor sounds and cause a 10 car pile up with matchbox cars like no body business! I have found I can dress Noah just as amazing as any little girl! Don't get me wrong would I LOVE the chance to have a girl and have all that, totally! But I wouldn't change 1 thing about my life with this little boy! I hold my entire heart in the palm of his tiny little hand. I never really knew what a parent felt in their heart until a year ago!
Yes I did come back a much different person in so many great and amazing ways!