Shopping

Today I got to spend the day with my mom shopping for baby stuff.  It was such a fun exciting day for me.  A day I never thought would happen for me.  I never thought the day would come that I would get to shop for MY baby.  Yes I know that we have not been placed yet but at the end of the day we do need to get ready for that phone call.

This is a big step for me.  I had put up such a wall  that I wouldn't allow myself to feel those type of things.  We had a nursery totally done and I couldn't even have the door open to it; was to hard to see.  It was full of heartache not hope and joy.  I wouldn't let myself think that this would ever happen for us.  That we would have the joy of a baby in the house and our lives.  Finally I realize it is going to happen and that we are going to have a family.  We are going to be happy.  Yes there will be problems and hard times but it will happen. 

I was able to get some great things to have for "that" phone call.  I got a great travel system on clearance at Toys R Us where I can get the bases for the other cars.  So I am able to get the system and 2 bases for the cost of 1 system we picked out.  Lots of other good stuff to have on hand for a few days at home and until we have a shower.

So now all we need is a baby!  I know that it will come in God's time.  he has had a plan for us from day 1 and it will happen when things are right and ready!  I have decided to take a few other "waiting" mom's and I am going to use that room as a prayer room and in time it will be blessed!

Please keeps us in your thought and prayers you just even know when that call will come.

Thanks so much!

Melinda

Party

I think this past week I have lost my mind and have taken on planning another fundraiser!  It has been 7 months of waiting as you all know from the last post, and we really want to be able to expand our search.  We know that God has a plan for us and a child hand-picked and he will help to lead us to that child, no matter where they may be. 

Last year when we planned to have a basket party so many times during the planning I thought I must be crazy to do this.  We were in the middle of our homestudy no less while doing that.  And being the "control freak" that I am, it was hard to put my faith and trust in people doing SO much to help us.  And that people would come and want to support us.  Like everyone you have those few memories that stand out in your mind forever.  I remember the day Joe and I got married, so many memories, like seeing him for the first time that day, finally being married, my dance with my dad.  One stands out for me, and there were no photos of it, and no one else there, it was just me sitting at the front of the room after eating and just taking everything in and thinking all these people are here to support us, love and celebrate with us.  That is the same feeling I had the day of our party last October as I looked out at over 200 people, alot of who I didn't know, that had come to support us.  It also taught me that you need to put your trust and faith in people, they will do what they say they will.

I pray that we have as many people reach out to help us this year again and as many people come to support us.  I can't find the words that will ever express how we feel about the things people have done to support us and help us reach our dream.  We pray for you everyday!

Last month Joe and I had to go to Pittsburgh for a class and stopped at a store to walk around for a little bit.  I found a bracelet with a charm on it that has "Dreams become reality one choice at a time."  I have worn that bracelet everyday since to remind myself that my choices will help me reach my dream of a child.  But I also know that we could not do that with out everyone's help too.

So to end I hope that we see you all there and if you would like to help please let me know.

 

Melinda

 

 

7 months

that is how long we have been on the “waiting” list to be matched and have placement.  To some that is not long at all, I mean a woman who gets pregnant on her own has to wait 9 months.  But she at least she knows, or has a pretty good idea, when the baby will come.  Not even close to the case for someone adopting.  For me I have known…well forever that I would never have a child of my own.  When you are twelve you know what that means but not exactly what would happen to you, mental and emotionally down the road.  So it feels like I have been waiting a lifetime for this.  Then I start to feel bad for feeling like I have waited to long, because some people would give anything to have the chance we have to adopt a child.  I think of some women having to spend a lifetime with that empty ache in the pit of her stomach and the ache in her heart.  And anyone who is going through this knows what I mean.  I had always told myself I am ok being the cool Aunt.  I can go where I want to, do what I want to when I want to.  My niece Aspyn was born, she was the light of my world, and I was right, this Aunt thing is great.  Then I got married and my nephew came along.  That was the moment; the moment reality hit me over the head with about 100 tons of bricks.  I spent a month crying and being mad, and not understanding.  Then I went into attack mode, what can I do for a baby!  IVF, no, foster care, no, adoption, maybe!!  That was the decision, adoption it would be.  So here we are, 7 months into the waiting.  I look at him now and think how, how could I be sad the 2nd most amazing person in my life was coming.  And trust me he is amazing.  It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't sad he was coming, I was sad that I thought I would never know that joy.

It’s hard to explain it and understand it, the waiting that is, or the feeling you have of sadness.  When your 3 year old niece asked, “Will the baby be here for my birthday?” I want to say “I thought he/she would be here for my birthday,” which was a month before.  Or when she gives you a hug and tells you, “Maybe the baby will be here next we come camping Aunt Mindy.”  The one that got me the most is when she said to my mom “I hope Aunt Mindy get’s a baby soon because she is sad sometimes.”  I want to say yes I am sad, so sad that some days all I want to do is cry, that the walls feel like they are closing in around me.  Then there are other days that I don’t think about it, I find joy in the little things.   Like her smile, the way she tells me she loves me more when I tell her I love you.  The way Mikey's eyes light up when he sees my dad.  And then I realize those moments, those are the moments I am doing all this for.  And as I am writing this I realize that those really aren't the small things but the best things, the most amazing things.

So when I say that each passing day of the 7 months feels like a year, now you know why.  Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait for my pot of gold, but unfortunately it hasn’t been all rainbows to get to it.

Melinda 

 

 

Paperwork...

the story of our lives since we started the adoption process.  At times it feels like you have to do paperwork for the paperwork.   Ok so that may be a little bit of an exaggeration but you get the idea.  Some of it gets so frustrating because it is the same stuff over and over again.  I can't help but wonder if some of it isn't to make you feel like you are doing something while the waiting is going on.  But I will do the pile of stuff that was emailed to us today and plant a tree to cover all the paper.

We did get 1 important piece of paperwork in the mail today...our updated homestudy.  We were so happy and excited to receive it!  When we first started this process we let fear of what people would think, say and do lead us to make some decisions that we would have made differently at the time.  It took a little bit of pushing but God finally helped us see that if people love us they will love "our" child no matter what race they are.  Who are we to decide what child should get a home and what child is worthy of our love and our families love.  Are we all not worthy of this?  I would love to think people will not see color when they look at a child and a family but the truth of it is they will, and that is ok.  We know there will be barriers that we will need to over come but I think that God will help guide us and see us through it.  When the day comes I will not say look at my black child, or my white child I will say this is my son or this is my daughter and I love them with every breath I take and would do ANYTHING for them.  And I can say that knowing it is true just by the things we did to have them as part of our family.

Melinda

Hello world!

Let me start out by saying hello and welcome to our blog for our adoption journey!  I have to admit I didn't come up with this idea myself and I have to say thanks Meg!  I am not sure if mine will be a great as yours but it seemed like a great idea to keep everyone up to date and maybe even a little like therapy!

So...Joe and I started our adoption journey about this time last year, wow to think it was a year ago, I remember like it was  yesterday the emotions and feelings I had at that time.  And to be honest I still feel all of them from time to time, and I think I will until we meet "our" child.  I have always known I would never be able to have a child and family the "normal" way but I never thought it would happen this way, funny how God works!  He also worked in letting me meet an amazing man who was on board to do this too.

It has been a long road so far and only God knows how much longer the road will be but I have on my best walking shoes and my praying knees ready.  My mom likes to tell me God is trying to teach me patience during this process, I keep telling her it is never going to work.  I do know that my relationship with God and my faith has gotten so much stronger and that is an amazing thing to experience.  It has also shown me the kindness of my family, friends, community and even strangers.  I just pray he continues to work in the same with us and them after we are placed and need the support with our child and relationship with his/her birth mother.

So please come along with us for the ride for how ever long it may be.

Melinda