Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
I love my community
As most people did growing up I always talked about getting out of this town, and moving away to bigger and better things. Anyone who grew up in small town USA USA
Right after I moved back I met Joe and we started dating. Joe took to long to ask me to marry him, almost to long to be honest. We live in a town we both swore we didn't want to live in. I remember when we called the real estate agent about seeing the house his words were you know where that house is at right? We did but went anyway and ended up buying it. As karma would have it we live 2 streets away from the house I grew up in and in the town I swore I would never go back to. As an adult I have a complete different view of it and as a mother another view of it. Life in a small town can be good. People help each other out in ways I think get over looked in the city. Neighbors watch out for your children, keep an eye on your house when your out of town and know your name and your story, and care.
When Joe and I decided to adopt and finally told people and were willing to ask for help my eyes were opened up to that. When we started to plan fundraisers to help with the adoption expenses my heart and soul were both so overwhelmed with the support and generosity of people, not only once but twice. They we so great in donating items for our fundraisers plus coming and supporting us at them. They were great successes because of it and helped with some our expenses. For that I will forever be thankful and will always try to pay it forward when I can.
A few weeks ago I was contacted about giving some information on how I organized our events and stuff, a friend from high school was planning the same type of event for a co-worker of hers, who had been diagnosed with lung cancer. I gathered up the supplies I had left from our past events and shared with her what I thought could help. I have to say when we got to the event this past weekend I was blow away! The way the community came together to support this woman and her family was amazing. The way everyone came together and donated so much time, money and effort to make it a success was nothing short of amazing. All because 1 just 1 co-worker said I feel like I need to help this amazing woman and her family a difference was made. Her idea snowballed and grew into something I don’t think anyone knew it could be but hoped it would be. The community was able to raise over $10,000.00 on a Saturday afternoon to help with her medical expenses. I think that is God’s work without question.
I ask that everyone please keep her in your prayers for God’s healing hand to touch her now. She has 4 young daughters and a family who love her very much!
So you see it wasn’t just because of how they touched our life and helped us to bring Noah to our family, but they are helping others. There are good people in this world, and if everyone acted on just 1 thought they have like my friend did to help someone this world would be such a better place for all of us!
Love
Melinda
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Toes in the water
Well it's back to reality. It seems like you wait forever and ever for vacation to get here and it goes by in the blink of an eye. It was so great to get away and relax and not really worry about much for a few days, I needed it way more than I thought I did. I was at the end of my rope in every way possible. I was having a hard time making it through the day some days.
I couldn't tell you the last time we had a vacation. I know alot of people were like well you were just in Vegas for 2 weeks last January, trust me that was no vacation, and anyone who has traveled for an adoption knows what I mean. Yes we saw some great things and made some great memories but it was far from relaxing. Maybe some day down the road we will go back to Vegas and have a good vacation.
This year we went on a family vacation to the beach and it was amazing. After we drove most of the night to get there and got some sleep we were up bright and early with Noah. I have to add that Noah was a champ in the 7 hour car ride there and back, I was pretty impressed with him. The very fist thing I wanted to do was take him to the water to see the ocean for the first time. I am a life long beach lover and would be a total beach bum if I could support myself doing it. We got up and got ready to go to see the ocean, Noah, Joe, Pappy and I bright and early at 7:30 am. I would love to say Noah loved the water as much as his mommy does but that was not the case. He didn't even like the sand at first, it was to soft and uneven for him to walk on, but by the end of the week he had become a pro at it and loved it.
Several time during the week we got to see the wild horses around the campground, and one day they even came right out to the beach and walked around. That was a pretty cool thing to see. They just wondered around freely, in fact the night we got there we had to wait for several to move to be able to park the camper!
We did go to the boardwalk for about 2 hours one afternoon and had lunch and walked around a little bit. There was a gumball machine in front of the restaurant where we ate that Noah was obsessed with. We couldn't get him away from it. He loved checking out all the kites flying in front of the one store on the beach and stood and watched them for a long time. Some of them were pretty cool, I wish I would have taken a picture of them. One was a fish that I know had to have been 7 or 8 feet long. We did get to fly our own kites on the beach our last day there but they were not as elaborate as those ones were, but still just as fun.
We made so many amazing memories on our trip, our first family vacation. Being able to see things in a new way with a child be beyond amazing. For me it is like seeing old things in a new way and it is something I am so blessed to do. I can't wait to see what new and amazing things we will do and see down the road.
I am going to put my guard down and post some pictures of Noah, they are just to cute to keep to myself and not share.
Love
Melinda
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I couldn't tell you the last time we had a vacation. I know alot of people were like well you were just in Vegas for 2 weeks last January, trust me that was no vacation, and anyone who has traveled for an adoption knows what I mean. Yes we saw some great things and made some great memories but it was far from relaxing. Maybe some day down the road we will go back to Vegas and have a good vacation.
This year we went on a family vacation to the beach and it was amazing. After we drove most of the night to get there and got some sleep we were up bright and early with Noah. I have to add that Noah was a champ in the 7 hour car ride there and back, I was pretty impressed with him. The very fist thing I wanted to do was take him to the water to see the ocean for the first time. I am a life long beach lover and would be a total beach bum if I could support myself doing it. We got up and got ready to go to see the ocean, Noah, Joe, Pappy and I bright and early at 7:30 am. I would love to say Noah loved the water as much as his mommy does but that was not the case. He didn't even like the sand at first, it was to soft and uneven for him to walk on, but by the end of the week he had become a pro at it and loved it.
Several time during the week we got to see the wild horses around the campground, and one day they even came right out to the beach and walked around. That was a pretty cool thing to see. They just wondered around freely, in fact the night we got there we had to wait for several to move to be able to park the camper!
We did go to the boardwalk for about 2 hours one afternoon and had lunch and walked around a little bit. There was a gumball machine in front of the restaurant where we ate that Noah was obsessed with. We couldn't get him away from it. He loved checking out all the kites flying in front of the one store on the beach and stood and watched them for a long time. Some of them were pretty cool, I wish I would have taken a picture of them. One was a fish that I know had to have been 7 or 8 feet long. We did get to fly our own kites on the beach our last day there but they were not as elaborate as those ones were, but still just as fun.
We made so many amazing memories on our trip, our first family vacation. Being able to see things in a new way with a child be beyond amazing. For me it is like seeing old things in a new way and it is something I am so blessed to do. I can't wait to see what new and amazing things we will do and see down the road.
I am going to put my guard down and post some pictures of Noah, they are just to cute to keep to myself and not share.
Love
Melinda
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Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Friday, June 7, 2013
To perfect update
As many of you will remember a while back I wrote a post To perfect? It was about a specific agency trying to portray themselves as better than the next. I read alot of the information on their website and emailed them and I finally got a few emails back.
One of the big things I noticed was the lack of involvement for the birth family. I asked about openness and contact with birth families after placement and they said they do not encourage it but if you feel the need to have it they strongly encourage that you stop all contact and communication after the age of 3. They feel it is harmful to the child's development and growth. I don't really get the logic and thinking behind that to be honest. I don't see how having some openness is going to hurt them developmentally or with their growth. Are they saying at the age of 3 you should never speak of the fact your child was adopted again. What is this like the 1960's? People don't/can't hide this any more like they did before. I think not having their birth mother for a child to have some sort of communication with when the time comes for them to ask questions, and they will, will cause more developmental problems than having her there.
I have said it before I don't think open adoption is perfect, you most defiantly have to find a perfect balance in it. It is hard to set boundaries, people most defiantly get hurt. The highs and lows of adoptive parents and birth parents are never going to be in sync. As an adoptive parent the highs of birthdays, holidays, first words, first foods, walking, hearing them say mama, Dada are ALWAYS going to be lows for a birth parent. Think about it they are missing out on that BUT with open adoption they still get to be a part of it, it doesn't make it easier but they still get to experience it. So to say to cut all contact after the age of 3 is the best for all involve is best I don't get it. I know you have experienced alot of firsts at that point but there are still so many to come.
Maybe it is easy for me to say this and fee this way, Noah's birth mother is half way across the country and we have not seen her since Noah was 4 days old. BUT we do talk on the phone send text messages, share photos on a photo bucket account, with her and her mother. We hope we get to have a visit some day. And they both have expressed how hard it is, in fact the other night when I was talking to Noah's birth grandmother she said she watches the video of Noah walking for the first time all the time and wants to write him a note so he has it and ends up having to close the screen and walking away she can't do it it's to hard, and that is ok, she will some day. People always say why do you still talk to them, I say well put yourself in their shoes, you have this perfect little person you loved and gave birth to and gave him to a family you knew only from talking on the phone for like 3 months, met 2 days before he was born but you trusted them with his life! And he is out there some where but you can't ever see him, talk to him or know how he is doing because they chose to not let you know. Pretty messed up right. Think about it that way next time you wonder.
We don't have a perfect relationship it has alot of ups and downs and I don't know where we will be in 6 months or 6 years down the road. But I know as sure as I am sitting here I will not say at age 3 I am done goodbye. So for anyone who is reading this and in the process of finding an agency, thinking of adoption, trying decide what type of adoption you want try to think of down the road and put yourself in her position and think about what you would want if you were on the other side of the table. You would want treated with respect and kindness, you would want honestly and truth. Not to be told yes we will do that just for someone to get your baby and then never hold up to what they told you they would do. I know things change but at least start out trying to do the things you said you would do and use an agency that keeps her rights in mind as well.
Love
Melinda
One of the big things I noticed was the lack of involvement for the birth family. I asked about openness and contact with birth families after placement and they said they do not encourage it but if you feel the need to have it they strongly encourage that you stop all contact and communication after the age of 3. They feel it is harmful to the child's development and growth. I don't really get the logic and thinking behind that to be honest. I don't see how having some openness is going to hurt them developmentally or with their growth. Are they saying at the age of 3 you should never speak of the fact your child was adopted again. What is this like the 1960's? People don't/can't hide this any more like they did before. I think not having their birth mother for a child to have some sort of communication with when the time comes for them to ask questions, and they will, will cause more developmental problems than having her there.
I have said it before I don't think open adoption is perfect, you most defiantly have to find a perfect balance in it. It is hard to set boundaries, people most defiantly get hurt. The highs and lows of adoptive parents and birth parents are never going to be in sync. As an adoptive parent the highs of birthdays, holidays, first words, first foods, walking, hearing them say mama, Dada are ALWAYS going to be lows for a birth parent. Think about it they are missing out on that BUT with open adoption they still get to be a part of it, it doesn't make it easier but they still get to experience it. So to say to cut all contact after the age of 3 is the best for all involve is best I don't get it. I know you have experienced alot of firsts at that point but there are still so many to come.
Maybe it is easy for me to say this and fee this way, Noah's birth mother is half way across the country and we have not seen her since Noah was 4 days old. BUT we do talk on the phone send text messages, share photos on a photo bucket account, with her and her mother. We hope we get to have a visit some day. And they both have expressed how hard it is, in fact the other night when I was talking to Noah's birth grandmother she said she watches the video of Noah walking for the first time all the time and wants to write him a note so he has it and ends up having to close the screen and walking away she can't do it it's to hard, and that is ok, she will some day. People always say why do you still talk to them, I say well put yourself in their shoes, you have this perfect little person you loved and gave birth to and gave him to a family you knew only from talking on the phone for like 3 months, met 2 days before he was born but you trusted them with his life! And he is out there some where but you can't ever see him, talk to him or know how he is doing because they chose to not let you know. Pretty messed up right. Think about it that way next time you wonder.
We don't have a perfect relationship it has alot of ups and downs and I don't know where we will be in 6 months or 6 years down the road. But I know as sure as I am sitting here I will not say at age 3 I am done goodbye. So for anyone who is reading this and in the process of finding an agency, thinking of adoption, trying decide what type of adoption you want try to think of down the road and put yourself in her position and think about what you would want if you were on the other side of the table. You would want treated with respect and kindness, you would want honestly and truth. Not to be told yes we will do that just for someone to get your baby and then never hold up to what they told you they would do. I know things change but at least start out trying to do the things you said you would do and use an agency that keeps her rights in mind as well.
Love
Melinda
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Noah update
I realized the other day I haven't wrote a post for a few weeks. I have had so much going on yet not a lot to write about. I know that makes SO much sense (insert roll of the eyes). But really there hasn't been.
Noah is growing like crazy. He was 16 months old on Friday; I have no idea where the time has gone. He had our first ER visit about 3 weeks ago, not an experience I am in a rush to have again. I was home alone when it happened and was not able to get the bleeding stopped to see where it was coming from let alone get him calmed down and me calmed down. Thank God my cousin was home and was able to come and help me out. He didn't need stitches and things have healed up very nice.
When he has his check up the beginning of May he was over 30 inches long and was 24 lbs. He is growing right on track. And it never fails something they think could be a concern he decides to the night we leave or the very next day. At his visit the nurse decides to tell the doctor him walking should be a concern. Noah has been "walking" for months to be honest. Holding on to push toys, chairs, walls he just wouldn't do it on his own. I didn't really push the issue and the doctor was less than happy she said it the way she did with us there. To say the least the following week he took off! He is walking everywhere he can. Crawling onto the furniture and standing at the windows, chasing the dogs, you name it.
We have been trying to get him on to a Sippy cup for awhile now but couldn’t find one he would take, because to be honest he was being lazy and wouldn’t tip the cup and his head back to drink from it. We had finally found on that had a straw in it he would drink from a few months ago. Well last week I tried one of the other ones we had at the house we got as a gift for is milk for his afternoon nap and it was a hit! We now only use a bottle at bed time and I feel 100% sure I could lose that one if I wanted to but I can’t bring myself to do it. It is like once the bottles are gone my baby is gone and I am so not ready for that.
Noah is growing like crazy. He was 16 months old on Friday; I have no idea where the time has gone. He had our first ER visit about 3 weeks ago, not an experience I am in a rush to have again. I was home alone when it happened and was not able to get the bleeding stopped to see where it was coming from let alone get him calmed down and me calmed down. Thank God my cousin was home and was able to come and help me out. He didn't need stitches and things have healed up very nice.
When he has his check up the beginning of May he was over 30 inches long and was 24 lbs. He is growing right on track. And it never fails something they think could be a concern he decides to the night we leave or the very next day. At his visit the nurse decides to tell the doctor him walking should be a concern. Noah has been "walking" for months to be honest. Holding on to push toys, chairs, walls he just wouldn't do it on his own. I didn't really push the issue and the doctor was less than happy she said it the way she did with us there. To say the least the following week he took off! He is walking everywhere he can. Crawling onto the furniture and standing at the windows, chasing the dogs, you name it.
We have been trying to get him on to a Sippy cup for awhile now but couldn’t find one he would take, because to be honest he was being lazy and wouldn’t tip the cup and his head back to drink from it. We had finally found on that had a straw in it he would drink from a few months ago. Well last week I tried one of the other ones we had at the house we got as a gift for is milk for his afternoon nap and it was a hit! We now only use a bottle at bed time and I feel 100% sure I could lose that one if I wanted to but I can’t bring myself to do it. It is like once the bottles are gone my baby is gone and I am so not ready for that.
He loves to be outside and is at the door the minute we get home at night to get outside, never mind the fact we all need to eat dinner first. Coming in at night to bath is a fight since it is light out until close to 9 at night now.
So that is my Noah update for now!
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