Monday, April 29, 2013

Find my way home

Lately I have not been in a real great place.  My mental, physical and spiritual health have been really taking a hit.  I just couldn't figure out why I have felt so lost and tired and just beat down.    I have lost my way, in every sense there is to be honest.  Mentally I am just not there right now.  I get so upset and angry at the smallest things.  I fly off the handle so fast, I seem to find happiness in very few things.  To be blunt I hate the person I have become over the past few weeks.  I blame it on stress, being tired, not having enough hours in the day.  But yet I know that is not the problem, then an few nights ago I was lying awake it hit me over the head like a ton of bricks.  I have lost my way spiritually, not in the ha ha spirit way, but my relationship with God.  I have walked off the path that he wants me to follow.  I have tried and tried to go back and see where that spot was, what happened, why it happened, and I have found nothing.  I have always had a faith and a belief but maybe it wasn't what I thought it was, not as strong as I thought it was.  I seem to be steered off path easily and quickly. 
As I was lying there and thought God please help me.  Help me to find my way back to your loving arms, to the way you want me to live.  It is so easy to be temped by sin.  I have become someone I don't like very much, I have lost my way. I know that God was there, he answered me, you know how he answered me?  By letting me see he has always been there and I know what to do to become the person I want to be.  It is also nice to know that no matter how many times you stray that God is willing to accept you back into his arms if you just ask for forgiveness.  I worry about writing these kind of things for fear people will be offended or judge me, and I just am not going to be that way anymore.  I am proud of the things that God has brought to my life and I know I would not have them without my faith.  I am not going to promise I am going to be a "perfect" Christian but let's be honest who is.  We all have faults. 
My wish is for everyone who reads this to not take offence to it but to think about where they are in their relationship with the Lord and think about someone you know who does not have one at all. 




  1. I applaud you for this beautiful post. Please don't be afraid, if people judge you for talking about God that is their problem not yours.

    This is YOUR blog, so you say whatever it is you need to say!

  2. Thank you so much Nella. I am slowly learning I don't need to be a people pleaser all the time.