Thursday, April 10, 2014


I have been pretty quiet on here lately.  I have sat down a thousand times in the past month to write a post and just sit and look at the blank white screen screaming at me WRITE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING!  But I couldn't and didn't.  What do I write, what a mess my life feels to me right now?  How I feel everything is crashing down around me?  That I have made some pretty crappy decisions the past few weeks?  That I feel like the worse person in the world at times?  Yet at times I feel like I have finally stood up for myself and said I can't do this anymore!  I feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions and don't know which is the right way or wrong way to go.  I don't know who to trust and believe in.  Why is it that life as an adult is harder than life as a teenage.  Isn't it supposed to get easier because we are older and wiser?  I have been making steps to get things figured out and get back on track and that is all I can do at this point. Life really throws you some curve balls sometimes and I guess it is all a matter of if you step up to the plate and swing or sit back and watch.  I am swinging and missing sometimes but I guess at least I am trying.  I let to much get in my head and hold me back.  What people will say or think or do.  I would love to say no more but I know that is never going to happen that isn't me.  I am who I am and can't change that.  I just need to remember that I am also a strong, determined woman, who goes after anything she wants and most times gets it.  Yes it will take hard work and some people trying to push me down and make me doubt myself but I need to just look past that.

I do have some good things in the works for the blog and the adoption community in general.  I wish I had some more details about it but it is all still in the works and we are trying to work out some of the details for stuff still.  I have had the thoughts and ideas for this in my head for months and my best friend and I have talked about it and we have now taken action on it.  It was at a point of listen we can either say we wish or we should or we can just jump in and see what happens!  I am not sure how it will work out or what will come of it but I can at least sit back and say at least I tried and followed yet another dream.  Or I can say wow look at what an amazing thing this has become.  When I think is this crazy to do I look at Noah and think look what came of the last big dream you had!  I need to remember I am stronger than I give myself credit for.  It is going to take hard work and figuring out how to juggle everything but great things don't come easy; they come to those who work for them.  So please stick around to see how things come together.

Oh my gosh. This is perfect timing!!! My life in California begins in just 3 weeks

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