365 days....

That is how many days on Sunday it will be since we were home study approved.  For those of you who don’t know the adoption process there is paper work, more paper work, interviews, back round checks, references, and having your home checked for them to determine if you are fit people to parent and if your home is fit.  Sort of funny if you think about all the people who have children and you have thought wow how is that possible.  And I don’t care what you say you have all thought that at 1 time or another in your life, I mean we all shop at Wal-Mart!  A little intrusive, yes, to me a little over kill, yes, a lot of money, God yes!  But I have nothing to hide and I know I will be a good mom, not saying a perfect mom but a good mom! 

 I have been really torn as to how much to share in what is going on and what not to share.  Do I write every time we make contact with a birth mom, do I write every time we get shown to a birth mom?  I mean yes I want to yell it from the roof tops each time it happens, for a couple of reasons.  First from pure excitement and second the more prayers the better right?  Plus I want to share it with everyone who has been so supportive and pray for us everyday.  But it is also very emotional for us if we tell people every time because when you see them again and they ask you and it didn’t have the turn out you wanted it brings all the emotions up again.  I know people aren’t asking to be mean, they are asking because they really care.  But there are parts of this journey that will be private and hard to deal with for us, so if you don’t hear anything that does not mean there is nothing happening, there in fact could be great things happening, we are just choosing to get a handle on them for ourselves first.  Have our time to pretty much grieve for the child that was not to be or to wrap our minds around the fact that some mom felt we would be great parents to her child.  To lay the foundation of a trusting and loving relationship with her for the years to come as we move through open adoption.  There have been many times over the past year I have wanted to throw my hands up and say I am done, I can’t to this to myself anymore, but then I rethink and know I can.  God choose us because he knew we could walk the road and handle it.  At the end things are going to be so amazing when it happens if it’s in 9 days, 90 days or 9 months.  I know it is going to be amazing because I have seen it with our friends and “fellow” blogger who had been placed and have “their” baby at home.

So please keep praying for us and know that as soon as we feel ready to share any big news you will all be the first to know.

Love

Melinda