Terrific Tuesday

Pretty Cool

Just when I was thinking that maybe people didn't read my blog, I get surprised.  I was looking at my traffic information and below are the places that have viewed my blog. Thanks for giving me the push to keep on keeping on!

United States	167
Russia	18
United Kingdom	6
Australia	2
Germany	2
China	1
Denmark	1
India	1
Malaysia	1
New Zealand	1

Terrific Tuesday

In the end we feel the same

I haven't wrote a post for a couple weeks now as you can see.  Some of it has been just not having the time.  Noah's daily schedule has changes and he is no longer napping in the evening which is when I did alot of my blogging.  And some of it is just not being in a real great place with the adoption world right now.  As  I said in my last post I am just so in shock with the scams that go on.  I know it is not anything new and is nothing that will go away but I am in such disbelief over it.   There have been other things that I am just not sure on how I feel about; and I have found for me to just not talk until I process is the best until I figure out how I feel.  But at the end of the day there are good people in the adoption community and that out weights the bad.
Yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting a hopeful adoptive mom that I met on-line.  We had a great visit and spent hours talking.  We talked about everything and anything you can think of.  The agencies we used, the agencies they are using.  Or jobs, our families, things we found useful to have for Noah, things we found were really a waste.  I love taking to other adoptive families, I know I have said that a million times in the past, but it is so true.  My friends and family have been so supportive, they love us and Noah so much.  They have been there through so much; but they don't get alot of the feelings I have had and still have.
It is funny one of the things she and I talked about was the sting of finding out a friend or family member was pregnant.  How baby showers are the worse.  When my brother and his wife found out they were pregnant with my niece they were worried how I would take things.  I was SO excited about it and her; she became my entire world, and still is one of the most important people in my life.  I was so happy to become the cool aunt.  When they told us they were pregnant the 2nd time it was devastating.  I was so depressed over it.  I was at a much different place at that time.  I was married now and it was like the air had been knocked out of me and I realized that I would never have this in my life.  It was right after that we started looking to look into our options to have a family.  Now looking at him it makes me sad I felt that way.  But I know it is ok to have those feelings.  It didn't make me love him any less or make him any more important.  If anything if it wasn't for him, I don't know if I would have ever had the courage the think I could or want a family.
Then last night I was reading about another hopeful adoptive parent ask if those feelings ever go away, and for me I can say no, or at least they haven't yet.  Yes it is a little less of a sting, but it is still there.  Maybe as times goes on it will stop but for now it does.  I will say I would never trade things because that would mean trading Noah and I would never do that, I love my son more than anything in this world.  But that doesn't mean that I can't be sad for things that were not meant to be for me.  Being able to feel him move in my tummy and kick and all those things that go along with it.  I was blessed to have his birth mother include us in alot of things and I can never thank her enough for that, for letting us be a part of it as much as we could.
I have become friends with several adoptive mothers and mothers in the process of adoption.  I read alot of blogs as well and now how different our beginning, middle and end is the feeling along the way are the same in so many ways. 

Melinda

Terrific Tuesday

Terrific Tuesday

I have done this to many times in my life to count!

In shock

I have to admit over the course of our adoption and networking on our own we were contacted by a few girls/women.  I know I should be calling them expectant mom's but I don't really know if they are.  The contact never went any where other than emails and stuff.  I also know we were very lucky that we were not asked for money or even lost any.  We were very blessed that our son's birth mother found us through our networking and it worked out. 
A few days ago I joined a group on facebook that was formed to try to stop scammers.  It was formed by a hopefully adoptive parent.  I am not sure where they are all in the adoption process.  I know several are waiting and have been contacted by people.  I also have to say are first I was oh my these women are just on a which hunt for people. They are just really need to find something else to do while they are in the waiting process.  They really need a hobby!
That was until yesterday!  I was poking around on facebook while Noah was napping and I was resting my foot (another story for another day) and I saw a update on a post that they had all been commenting on.  One of the members had been for lack of better word baiting a scammer.  I think it could be dangerous to do that.  Not that they could find you but just putting yourself out there.  I mean I guess if you know they are scammers you are not emotionally invested but still it has to be hard to deal with it all the time.  Anyway back to the story.  She had been emailing with a lady that was working for an orphanage over seas someplace.  She pretended to be interested in adopting a little girl she had told her about and asked for pictures.  I thought when I saw she asked for that it would be the end of it.  Then she posted an update with the pictures they lady had sent her.  I am not nearly as computer savy as these women to be honest and I am shocked you can do what they knew how to do. Next thing you know they have tracked these pictures to a blog of a lady in Florida.  An unsuspecting mother who had posted pictures of her daughter on her blog, I am sure that was a way of staying in touch with family and friends.  I instantly got sick in the stomach and lost my breath for a second.  First thought was oh my God this poor mother, then it was oh my God I need to pull down every single picture of my son.  As they debated on if they should email her to let her know I was screaming yes tell her.  They did email her and tell her what was going on.  I do not know if she has gotten back to the person who did contact her.  I started this blog for the same reason to stay in touch with family and friends while we were in the adoption process.  I continued after to let them be a part of Noah's life since they had supported us during.  Now I want to use it as a support to waiting families in the adoption process.  To help birth mothers know not all families are just out to get their baby.  I NEVER thought it could be used to scam people who are putting all their hope and trust into the adoption process and God and a birth mother out there.  Not that my personal information has been used, that I know of anyway, I would hope is someone that knows how to see where they are from and puts it together would contact me!
I know there are many pros to having the Internet available to network on.  More so than 15 or 20 years ago when people were adopting.  I also know that you open yourself to having these type of things happen and these type of people preying on us.  I am smart enough to know that it isn't just kept to families looking on-line.  We had been contacted during our wait by a place we had networked with that we had been matched.  We had sent up a meeting to speak with the mother on the phone and everything.  In the mean time of waiting for the call to take place another agency we had networked with contacted us about the exact same mother.  It threw up a big red flag and we pulled the plug on the entire situation.  I am not sure if it was the places we were in contact with or what, we didn't stick around to find out.  I can't speak from fact but I am sure that states that allow living expenses have birth mothers using several agencies without anyone knowing.  I also think that they match with families with no intention of placing their baby and just using people for the living expenses and that is totally within the laws.  I am in no way saying if you pay living expenses that a birth mother is required to place their baby with you.  There are good women out there who just can't go through with it after the fact and that is totally fine. It is the women who do it all the time.  I also have a major problem with someone using another person's children's pictures to scam people out of money. Are there not laws to protect people from this?  Is there nothing that can be done once it is found?  I know I personally will be looking into it so I can be armed and ready if or when it happens to me or someone I know.  So please protect yourself as well!  I am sure this won't be the last time I talk about this topic. 

Love
Melinda